less than two months since diagnosis and ive already had one operation and im averaging about 12 pills a day. wouldnt be so bad if i felt somewhat better but if anything i feel worse. DIFFICULT. however, today i realised just how valuable this holiday has been for me (and i do not in any way take for granted this blissful opportunity), even so the timing wasnt best and its been tiring too, but it has given me the time and space to truly understand and accept my situation. its amazing what a heavy weight diagnosis can bring. the initial joy of finally having answers quickly fell into loss and sadness and then i clung onto hope and an illusion that i would be able to gently ease myself into health. reality has finally set in, the skies have opened and the rain is falling on the beautiful island of lesvos. the change in season has brought with it many gifts - food, rain, life which is wonderful to see and enjoy, but it has also given me a gift of courage, readiness and strength. i am SO ready to get on with finding a way out of this relentless agony, nausea, discomfort, embarrassment and damn exhaustion. ive finally realised what i want, what i need and what i believe in is getting to the best health i can have NOW because that is what is truly important. i will leave the future where it is, because without health now, maybe this future ive been so desperately wanting to look after may never come. and so the iliad says, much more eloquently than i, that the brave die just once in battle while the fearful, hiding under their tables, die over and over again each day. GO LIVING! LIVING IS AWESOME AND IM READY FOR IT!
Posted on: Fri, 26 Sep 2014 18:50:39 +0000
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