ok so here comes a novel: Like many people, opening myself up to loving and receiving love from another person was one of my biggest fears. I didnt know if I could do it, how i would do it, how badly it would break me in the end, etc. Knowing it was one of my biggest fears, i decided not to jump in, but to work and work until i felt like i loved and accepted myself to the point that i was unbreakable. So after 2 years of crushing on a girl who was also crushin on me, I told her I was finally ready to be a good partner to her, show her the love i felt for her, support her, and accept her. I felt that I could be fair to her, because of how fair i was finally being to myself about the love i deserve. But my relationship with her ended a few days ago...kind of out of the blue! And i was very angry about it, hurt, sad, confused. I felt like my effort, honesty, and understanding were unmatched. I was angry that it took me so long to see her true character. I was angry that I truly did the best I could, just to be made to feel like it still wasnt good enough. And I was sad that she couldnt see how deserving she actually was to be with someone like me. But, honestly, I am so SO glad the relationship ended because...i deserve better! The best! And Im so proud of myself for opening up in ways i never thought i would. Im proud of myself for knowing when to not only let it go, but say goodbye for good. Im proud of myself for feeling so much love for another person, for the way I handled the situation as she dumped me, but most of all im proud of myself for not letting another person break me, despite how much faith and trust i put into them. Im so grateful that the energy i put into building myself stood up to one of my biggest tests of fear. Im grateful for everything I learned, everything I gained, and ever obstacle I overcame by putting myself out there the way I did. So I sit here, drinkin some tea, patting myself on the back, and laughing at how upset Ive been...just to realize that I lost nothing. I took a big risk and gained so much more than I couldve thought. So shout out to my friends who listened to me talk as i digested coming out of my first ever loving relationship (with anyone other than myself)...thank you. And Im gonna go ahead and suggest radical self love. It makes everything a heck of a lot easier to handle.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:30:04 +0000
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