states: today marks part 3 in an ongoing series featuring the most embarrassing things that I have ever done or that have ever happened to me. As a pre-requisite to reading this story, it is of importance that you have seen the movie Swingers, although not absolutely imperative. It will merely enhance the experience, however, if you have. Anyways, todays entry concerns a somewhat recent experience, of which I have spoken extensively to a number of people who, collectively, seem to think it is not a big deal. I, however, beg to differ. This entry falls, once again, under the sub-category of Barrys Failures With Women, (Of which, I mentioned, yesterday, that there were many). So, there came a time, within the last six months, in which I had settled into the routine of attending one of my favorite bars; well call it The Basement, every Thursday night after work with a dear friend, who we will call Krista M. Smith. One night we are there and the usual exchange is taking place; banter about life, love, work, happiness, probably a little misery too. Beers have been ordered, pizza rolls, wings, mac and cheese bites, whatever. Typical Thursday night. Light crowd, not a ton of people. Foods good, beers cold, nice to see our regular bartenders. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Im sitting at the long end of the Basement bar. It is, essentially, shaped like an L, but with the bottom part being somewhat short, perhaps just a few chairs, while the long part is very long, running, basically, the length of the entire bar. I glance to my right, for no reason, in particular. There stands, at the short end of the L, a rather striking brunette. Tall with short hair, two physical characteristics to which I am not typically attracted. But, this one, she had something about her. Clear complexion, big eyes, just a nice looking chick all around. She seems to be looking in my direction. I look away for a moment to try and surmise whether this could actually be the case. I look back. Still, her eyes are trained in my direction. Really? I look away one more time and then back again. Still, looking in my direction; this time she is smiling. Visions begin flashing through my mind of movies, television shows, beer commercials; people catching eyes from across a room, interluding in the glamour of the evening.. Two strangers in the night, as Sinatra put it. Exchanging glances, wondering in the night; what would were the chances? Theyd be sharing love.. before the night is throooougggh.. Yeah, anyways; all of that. I look back once again; slyly casting a short smile in her direction. Her spirit is not broken; there is no coyness; she smiles through to me. I see this as a reciprocation to my reciprocation. Game on. I offer a slightly bigger smile. A small nod. She continues on. In the context of seconds, an entire non-verbal conversation is had. The facial communication, the body language; it is a match. I offer a bigger nod, lest the first was missed. Shes still smiling. I look away one more time, mentally prepare my approach. One more time I look back; shes downright grinning. In fact, now shes waving!! Man, she really wants it!! Thats it, no point in wasting any more time. I begin sliding off my bar chair. What, wait a second, shes coming around the bar! Could it be, shes coming to me? This kind of female aggression is unheard of! At least in my world.. Around the L she comes. She turns the corner, walking towards me. I hear hit songs being written. Love at the MegaTouch. Heeeeyyyyyyyy!!!! she says, kind of in that voice people use when telling that dumb old joke; What do gay horses eat? Heeeeeyyyyyyy. Hmmm, interesting introductory technique, yelling this from far at the other end of the bar, still walking. Coming my way. I turn to meet her. And shes walking. Still walking Walking, right on by And hugging three of my coworkers. Who, apparently, have been standing behind me this whole time. The whole friggin Goddamn time. I turn back to the bar. Shaken, weakened, cut down. Ive never been more glad to have a smorgasbord layed out before me. Better to bury my sorrows in salt, grease, cheese, breading, more grease, salt, beer and a little bit of pepperoni. I ruminate for a while, that I should probably just call it a day and just truly devote my life to the pleasures of the culinary world rather than the pleasures of the flesh, already.... Thus is entry 3 in an ongoing series featuring the most embarrassing things that I have ever done or which have happened to me *Bonus* The allusion to Swingers, to which I refer a the beginning of this entry is this; the movie follows a group of friends in Hollywood as they negotiate the dating and/or hook-up world. One, Mikey, played by John Favreau is hung up on an ex, while the other, Trent, played by Vince Vaughn, is the alpha male who is always in the prowl, typically with success. Trent, throughout the movie, needles Mikey to be better at picking up women, while Mikey makes a million excuses why he cant be. At the end, Mikey finally does meet a nice girl and is telling Trent about it at a diner. Trent interrupts him to play a game of hide and seek behind his napkin with a woman across the room, while making ooo gooo gooo gooo noises. The woman gets up, Trent believes an approach is eminent. She walks towards him. He repeats his catch phrase; Its on, Mikey. Said woman turns and picks up a baby from the other side of the booth from which she was sitting and walks out of the restaurant. Trent buries his head in shame. Parallells, anyone??
Posted on: Wed, 23 Apr 2014 16:23:25 +0000
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