1 of d thorniest nd most difficult things we humans re ever called upon 2do is 2 respond 2 evil with kindness, nd 2 4give d un4givable. We love 2 read stories about pple who have responded to hatred with love, but wen dat very thing is demanded of us personally, our default seems 2be anger, angst (dread or anguish), depression, self- righteousness, hatred, etc. Yet study after study shows dat 1 of d keys 2 longevity nd gud health is 2 develop a habit of gratitude nd let go of past hurts. Want 2 live a long, happy life? 4give d unforgivable. It really is d kindest tin u can do 4 urself. Ur enemy may not deserve 2b 4given 4 all d pain nd sadness nd sufferin purposefully inflicted on ur life, but u deserve 2b free of dis evil. As Ann Landers often said, hate is like an acid. It damages d vessel in which it is stored, nd destroys d vessel on which it is poured. 1 Realize dat d hate u feel 2ward ur adversary does not harm im or her in d way dat u want. Resentment is like drinkin poison nd waitin 4 it to kill ur enemy. 2 Understand dat d best revenge against ur enemies is 2 live a successful nd happy life. Want 2 get even with some1 who tried 2 destroy u? Show dem nd show urself (and the world) dat d obstacles dey tried 2 create were not significant enof 2 disable u nd/or destroy u. 3 Realize dat d second best revenge is to turn d evil into sometin good, 2 find d proverbial silver lining in d dark cloud. Think of ur enemy as some1 who has helped u 2 grow. Even though unfortunate things happen 2 us, d best thing we can do is take dose opportunities as tests dat will either destroy or strengthen us. If youve been through something, it didnt destroy u - take wat u learned nd become a better person because of it. 4 Make a list of d good things dat emerged as a result of dis awful xperience. uve probably focused long enough on d negative parts of this experience. Look at d problem from a completely new angle; look at d positive side. The first item on dat list may be long overdue because u have focused on d negative 4 so long. See if u can identify 10 positive outcomes of dis xperience. 5 Look 4d helpers. Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) related dat, as a little boy, hed often become upset about major catastrophes in d news. His mother would tell him, look 4d helpers. In ur own nightmarish experience, think back 2 d pple who helped u. Think about their kindness nd selflessness Practice wat u have learned frm dem. Was some1 ur Good Samaritan? In dis biblical story, a traveler helps a poor soul who was beaten up on d road 2 Jericho nd left 4 dead. Perhaps dis isnt all about u. Perhaps ur trial provided an opportunity 4 others 2 rise 2 an occasion 2 provide u with help nd support. 6 Be compassionate with urself. If youve ruminated over dis problem 4 a long time, steering dis boat into a new direction could take some time, too. As u try 2 make a new path out of d dark woods of dis old hurt, youll make mistakes. Forgive urself. Be patient nd kind 2 urself. Extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on d body. Give urself time to heal - physically nd emotionally. Eat well. Rest. Focus on d natural beauty in d world. Give urself permission 2 feel d emotions nd process dem. Dont bottle up the pain. 7 Learn that the Aramaic word 4 4give means literally 2 untie. The fastest way to free yourself from an enemy and all associated negativity is 2 4give. Untie d bindings nd loosen urself frm dat persons ugliness. Ur hatred has tied u 2 d person responsible 4 ur pain. Ur 4giveness enables u 2 start walking away frm him or her nd d pain. 4giveness is 4u nd not d other party. Freeing urself through 4giveness is like freeing yourself from chains of bondage or frm prison. 8 Learn how 2 balance trust with wisdom. Its a fact dat not all of our fellow humans re trustworthy. Painful memories can serve 2 protect us frm future hurts. As author Rose Sweet writes, A lack of trust is sometimes simply recognizin anothers limitations. 9 Stop tellin the story. How many times dis week did u tell the story about how badly u were hurt nd how horribly u were wronged? How many times a day do u tink about dis hurt? It is a stake driven into d ground dat keeps u from moving away frm dis hurt. Rather, 4give ur enemy cus its d kindest tin u can do 4 ur frens nd family. Negativity is depressing - physically, mentally, spiritually nd emotionally. 10 Tell the story from d oda persons perspective. Actually imagine dat u re d oda person (the 1 who offended u) nd use d word I when sayin wat dat person would say. You, most likely, dont know exactly wat s/he was thinking wen dis event unfolded but pretend dat u do, nd just go with d story dat comes up in ur head. Sit down with a fren, or maybe even d person ure tryin 2 4give, nd tell d story as though u are that person. It is important 2do dis verbally nd not just in ur head. Realize in advance dat dis is not an easy exercise, but it holds great power. Ur willingness 2 tell d story frm d offenders perspective requires an effort at f4giveness. Also, realize dat dis is not a contradiction 2 d preceding paragraph since dis perspective will change ur story. 11 Retrain ur thinking. When your enemy and his or her evil actions come 2 mind, send im or her a blessin. Wish ur enemy well. Hope d best for him or her. This has two effects. One, it neutralizes that acid of hate dat destroys the vessel in which it is stored. The evil we wish 4 anoda seems 2 have a rebound effect. The same is true 4d good dat we wish 4 anoda. Wen u make urself able 2 return blessin 4 hatred, ull know that youre well on d path 2 wholeness. The first 15 - or 150 - times u try tdis, d blessing may feel contrived, empty, nd even hypocritical but keep tryin. Eventually, it will become a new habit nd soon thereafter, d anger nd pain dat has burned in ur heart will evaporate, like dew in d morning sun. This technique forces ur mind 2 overcome d cognitive dissonance between hating some1 nd acting with compassion 2ward him or her. Since there is no way 2 take back d kind gesture 2 agree with ur hatred, d only ting ur mind can do is change ur belief about d person 2 match. Ull begin 2 say 2 urself, S/he is deserving of a blessing, nd indeed, must need 1 very much. 12 Maintain perspective: While d evil actions of ur enemy re hurtful 2u nd ur immediate surroundings, the rest of d world goes on unaware. Validate their meaning in ur life, but neva lose perspective dat odas re not involved nd do not deserve anythin 2 be taken out on dem. Ur enemy is some1 elses beloved child, some1s employee, or a childs parent.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 23:15:30 +0000
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