15 things to never say to a pregnant woman- -Are you sure you’re not having twins?” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Commenting on anyone’s size is a major no-no. Just because a woman’s pregnant does not make it OK to remark on her body. - “You’re going to breast feed/bottle feed, right?” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: The way a mom wants to feed her newborn is completely up to her. Whether she chooses to breast feed or use a formula is her business and hers alone. It’s best to steer away from this topic completely unless she brings it up. If the topic arises, subscribe to a “listen instead of lecture” mentality. - “You really shouldn’t be eating that/drinking that/doing that.” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Ultimately, what a pregnant woman decides to eat, drink or do is between her and her physician. You can bet that she’s had extensive talks with her OBGYN regarding what’s OK and what isn’t, so keep your comments to yourself. - “I did X, Y and Z in my pregnancy and I think you should, too.” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: You may have given birth without the assistance of an epidural. You may have worked out every day for 30 minutes up until contractions started. You may have chosen a midwife and home birth over a hospital. That’s great, but unless she’s asking for you to share your experiences and recommendations, don’t give unsolicited advice. - “Make sure you sleep/go out/enjoy life while you can!” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: This statement implies that a pregnant momma won’t have any kind of a life — or sleep ever again — just because she’s delivered her baby. Newsflash: parents can have a life, too! Sure, their sleeping schedules may be wonky for a while and priorities change. That said, it’s not like every single drop of fun will cease just because there’s a baby involved. If anything, having that baby makes life even more enjoyable. - “It’s too bad you have to go back to work right away.” Or, “It’s too bad you’re giving up your career to stay at home.” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Deciding on the appropriate maternity leave time — and whether or not to commit to the role of stay-at-home parent — is a very personal choice that pregnant women give a lot of thought to. In other words, they’ve already made their decision and it was based on a list of factors that affect them personally, so your input on the matter is unhelpful and can even be hurtful. Women struggle a lot with the topic of career vs. family and, as a result, feel guilt no matter what they decide. Be supportive and don’t lecture. - “That’s a bummer about your stretch marks/swollen feet/hair loss/acne/excess weight gain.” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Never comment on another person’s body woefully — even if she’s pregnant. Those remarks sting and linger. - “Are you sure you’re able to do that?” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Again, she’s had a lot of talks with her OBGYN and is familiar what her body can and cannot do. If she looks like she’s struggling with something (grocery bags, lifting something, etc.), by all means offer to help. Just don’t assume she cannot do it. Nobody likes to feel disabled. - “Aren’t you too young/too old to have a child?” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Look, the baby’s coming no matter what, so there’s no sense in remarking on a woman’s age while pregnant. This is her decision and whatever comments you make will not change a thing. They’ll only hurt her feelings or anger her. - “Whoa! You’ve gained so much weight! Is that healthy?” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Just don’t comment on a person’s weight. Even if she gained too much weight, that is a conversation topic exclusively reserved for her OBGYN. Unless you’re a trained physician, just don’t go there. - “You should really put on a little more weight. You’re too thin for a pregnant woman.” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: The same explanation above also applies here. You are not an authority on appropriate pregnancy weight, so don’t comment on hers. - “Was your pregnancy a surprise or planned?” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: This is definitely a taboo subject. Unless you want to embarrass yourself and the pregnant woman, don’t broach the topic. She can offer that information up on her own, but otherwise that’s a fact reserved for her and the baby’s father. - “Can I feel your belly?” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Props if you ask first, but many pregnant women aren’t fond of fondles. If you’re close to her (say, a dear friend, family member or spouse), that’s one thing. If you’re a stranger, though, it’s best to not ask. - “You are definitely hormonal right now…” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: Unless you want an evil glare or the cold shoulder, don’t make a peep about her hormone levels. This is akin to saying, “You must be PMS-ing!” which never bodes well for the commenter. Sure, her hormones may be out of whack, but commenting on them isn’t going to help. - “I don’t know how you’re going to make it through the summer/winter/etc.” Why You Shouldn’t Say It: She’s pretty familiar with the seasons and is aware that being pregnant during the hot summer or icy winter isn’t ideal. This isn’t the worst thing you could say to a pregnant woman, but there’s no need to remind her of Mother Nature’s fury.
Posted on: Fri, 09 Jan 2015 20:24:35 +0000
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