19/30 Prompt: Six Things You Cant Do Without/Dating Profile After the lady with the socks made from cat fur The grocer who kept sending me MP3s of his Christian metal band The endless comments of “Those tits” “UR uglee” “U fukk 2nite?” I vowed that I would never again create an online dating profile. Its not that I dont love receiving Instagram photos Of strangers genitalia Or that I am offended by “text speak” Or that I am disturbed by the wearing of dead pets as accessories Or people with mullets rocking out to Jesus rock anthems... ...except that, well, Id much rather be a spinster than deal with any of that, thankyouverymuchokaybye. Im a whole lotta womyn Its going to take a lot more than six items To determine my compatibility With anything other than ice cream And the movie, “Blue Valentine”. Before you tell yourself That you are up to the challenge, You should know that I refuse to compromise On the following: 1. You should be funny – preferably, with a slightly dark, slightly twisted sense of humour. 2. You should be gentle – be kind to others, tip generously, encourage an atmosphere of relaxation and peace, you should want to genuinely look after others. 3. You should be a bibliophile – this about more than reading (although reading is good). You should probably be slightly aroused by the actual books themselves. 4. You should like to eat – otherwise, there is going to be a lot of delicious food that will sit on the table going bad while I look at you with sad eyes. 5. You have faith – in G-d, in faeries, in flowers, in Nature, in the stain-removing properties of Oxyclean...something. I dont care what. 6. You believe that good girls get special kisses. All interested applicants Should submit a resume and cover letter Detailing their experience And activity proposals. Bonus points for naughtiness and creativity.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Apr 2014 01:27:37 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015