A fellow mother needs some serious encouragement and advice: I was wondering if youd post this... im fairly desperate and need advice, and im really, really hoping for understanding rather than any backlash or get some perspective, could be worse type of judgement. I just got married a few months ago, and my husband and I already have a 3 year old. Right after we got married, on our honeymoon week, he quit his job. He freaked because he hated it. It was not right, but he burned his bridges and there was nothing I could do but move on. He did get another job two weeks later. At 5$ less an hour... and an hours commute away rather than 15 minutes. I went back to an old job (previously his was the only income) that is minimum wage. I dont get a lot of hours. I have to schedule my shifts not only around his but also allow for an hour and a half drive time due to the weather, which is most often horrid and icy. We gave up the babysitters/preschool after he quit as we could not pay. We do not have family to help with childcare when we are at work. Needless to say, out financial matters have absolutely spiraled and we are close to losing our rented home. I actually wouldnt even be writing if thats all it was. Two days ago I found out im pregnant. Our first child was planned... this is the biggest surprise of my life. Ive said repeatedly that I never wanted two kids. Im sorry if this offends some people, but I feel I have good reason. I guess since im already here I might as well admit that I two years before our first child I had a miscarriage at five months. You probably dont want to read this next line, but I had to give birth to a dead baby. I am scarred. The pregnancy with my daughter, who is now 3, was horrible. It was physically exhaustive, mentally terrifying, and absolutely bloody and traumatizing at the end. I got through it and was grateful, and happy, and I knew I didnt want another one. Fast forward to now, when ive done everything to NOT have another child, and I am pregnant. I am pregnant and my home life is going to the garbage. My husband is happy. I would be happy too if I could celebrate my wife being pregnant with a drink, or for gods sake, an actual smile. Instead, I cant tell anyone because what if I lose the baby? When I lost the last one I got to see my father cry. So I will hide it until I am sure its viable, because my family was devastated. And I will also hide it because I honestly think if I said it aloud to anyone I would burst into tears and never stop crying. I guess that means, while I am puking and dizzy, (already started) im going to be hiding. Regardless of the backstory, right now I am scared and very, very depressed. Ive been fighting an eating disorder for about a year. I am just, just... so so far from where I need to be. Mentally. I literally want to die. I dont want to go through this again, I dont want to go thru this as we are getting kicked out, I dont want to have to hide my puking (im already puking, isnt that enough?!?), if I knew how to get rid of my eating disorder I would dont you think, oh, and to top it alllllll off my husband wont have insurance for at least another month.
Posted on: Mon, 15 Dec 2014 12:39:19 +0000
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