Brandon, I am struggling right now, so very much, it seems like the struggle has never stopped since you were killed. All days are so very hard to get through but some days I am sure I wont and cant and dont even want to. As December comes rushing at us again we acknowledge that December 6th will be your 2 year Angelversary, you have missed a whole two years of your life Brandon, 2 years since I answered the door with a pounding of my heart because you were late and didnt answer your phone, 2 years since that night that remains a blur but is so very real, uncontrolable screaming, disbelief, the trip to the medical examiner hoping it wouldnt be you laying on that table with a thin sheet covering your cool body. Praying there was a mistake. Looking at your beautiful face so scarred with glass still embedded and cuts everywhere, your beautiful green eyes which were so alive and filled with sparkle and twinkle the last time I saw you and the memory of them so empty.I wonder what you would look like at 19, the last time I saw you you were 17. This alone causes the pain in my heart to steal my breath and leaves me sobbing. December 12 will be 2 year since your funeral Brandon, 2 years since we sat in that church, I wore your suit Brandon.2 years since I listened to Jessi sing you a beautiful song, Kayla and Syd and Jim stand before hundreds of people and tell of their love for you and disbelief, tell of your life and who you were...and my head screamed...stop this, stop this, if you stop this Brandon will come home and it wont be real...this Christmas will be the 3rd Christmas since you have been able to be with us. The first Christmas Dec 2012, you had already bought all your gifts for most people and we sat there and opened them and cried, most of your gifts were bought for you and they remained, as they do to this day, untouched, unused. 3 Christmas; without you, and 3 Christmas that Mr. Gibson has spent with his family. He will not miss this Christmas either, or any of them. Every second of everyday is grief season, but December is one of the most horrific and painful times for us. I know you are sad babe, but I can not bring myself to put up a tree, you and Kayla always always decorated it together and shared so much laughter and joy, I can not bring myself to wrap any presents or even acknowledge this day, you are not here to spend it with us and we can not spend it without you. I am sorry Brandon we can not have Christmas without you. We remember you with so much love Brandon, for all you brought to us and all we shared, all the joy and love you gave us and we were able to give you. All the silly things we would do and all the silly things we knew we would do. All the family memories we remember and all the ones we knew we would have together....Brandon, how we miss you, how we love you, how we struggle without you here, and how we hurt for your life and everything you dont have anymore, everything you are missing, and everything you would have had. My love...how do I do this??? How do I live without you??? :( :( I dont know how to live without you. I dont know how to be anything without you here living your life :( :( I wish I could move to Heaven.
Posted on: Sat, 29 Nov 2014 06:55:40 +0000
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