Excerpt from Mike & Sadie Mae: The waiting room at the doctors office was crowded with more sick people, and we were all coughing on each other and having a blast sharing the latest narcotic cough syrup Chang had prescribed. By the time the nurse called my name, we were all pretty much in a stupor. Even Sadie joined in and she didn’t even have a cough. I knew we’d be in for a long wait when I saw Gone With the Wind and War and Peace in the magazine rack, so I was somewhat surprised to be summoned to the back so quickly just when we were all beginning to have fun. I staggered back to one of the rooms down the hall, put on the little blue speckled gown, that has no style whatsoever, and waited for Chang. He came in, listened to my chest, took some blood and told me to take two aspirin and call him in the morning. “No cough syrup?” Chang looked at me and said, “I think you’ve had enough.” I lost all pride and fell on my knees, grabbed his pants leg and begged like a child needing a sweet-tart fix. Chang scribbled something on a pad and gave it to Sadie. He said, “Monitor the syrup.” “Hell, she’ll drink the whole bottle before we get home.” Sadie told me to shut the hell up and pushed me out the door. In the elevator, she asked me what was wrong with me besides the obvious, and I told her they were doing tests for Ebola and then I screamed and the other passengers started screaming, punching buttons and caused the damn elevator to stop and get stuck for two hours. By the time we were rescued, we all hated each other pretty much. “I wouldn’t take you to the doctor again if you were dying,” she said. “You’re a grouch.” Sadie and I got back to the porch and rested up from the ordeal at the doctor’s office and the elevator. Mrs. Randall was outside digging in her yard, laughing as she tried to figure out where she could place more plants. Her objective was growing enough plants so she wouldn’t have to badger her husband into mowing the lawn anymore. But now she has to weed the front yard as well as the back. But Mr. Randall has a good excuse for that one. He says he can’t distinguish a weed from a plant. “Get the hell out of my plants and do something constructive like playing golf,” she said to him. Mr. Randall does have a new hobby. He has kicked the foreign exchange student out of the house and turned her room into an electric train station. Mrs. Randall said she didn’t mind the trains but that he was not going to railroad her into taking off the closet doors. We still can’t figure out why he wants to take the doors off. I guess it’s a train thing. Mrs. Randall’s daughter in law, Hail, came by that same day. She was riled up because she found a snakeskin in her house. “Shut up and stop whining because snakes do eat mice.” Mrs. Randall said. “I’d rather have mice than snakes.” Joey, Hail’s hardworking husband, said, “A snake in the house is not such a big deal to me.” “It would be if you stayed home more,” Hail said. What can we say to that? He works two jobs and goes to school and makes the honor roll. Now he is supposed to be a snake catcher! Never can make women happy, I always say...just look at Sadie. She gets so out of sorts at everything I do. She says that I embarrass her in front of the neighbors, and she is tired of my gossiping! I gave her the silent treatment for thirty minutes and she went into withdrawal. Wants me to walk the streets and get her new food for chatter. And me, sick as I am. The paperboy came late today. The local paper here is now in print every day instead of just on Wednesdays. Instead of one thick paper, we get six that are as thin as an Olsen twin, not the fat one either. They are getting desperate for news because I read an article today about a lady who is freaking because of her son not wanting to take Kleenex to school. What she needs is a problem. I think that boyfriend of hers that she mentioned in the article should take her straight to Whitehurst Mental Hospital after they drop the kid off at school. Sadie said, “You need to be at Whitehurst.” “You’re better Whitehurst material than me, but you’d would drive all the counselors nuts.” “I’d slap you if you weren’t already sick,” she said. I’m not sure how to take that but I think it was an insult. A couple of days later Dr. Chang called with my test results. I knew something was strange when he wouldn’t give them to me over the phone. Sadie said he just wanted another forty-five dollars for an office visit. She always thinks the worst! I encouraged Sadie to take me back to the doctor by promising her a lunch at Cracker Barrel if she promised not to drop her dentures in her water glass again. Sometimes she has no class. We dragged our tired old asses to the doctor’s again and sat for three hours in Chang’s waiting room. We didn’t know whether to sit on the sick side or the well side since I didn’t know the test results yet. I should have suspected something when the receptionist strongly pointed to the leper section of the holding area. Finally, Dr. Chang himself came to the door and beckoned me to his private office. When I entered, he shut the door. The flesh on my back suddenly stood at attention, and the skeleton in the corner seemed to be cackling. Chang glanced at it as if they shared some dark, terrible secret. I could have sworn that I heard an old black bird whisper, “Nevermore.” Chang told me to sit down, but I was already sitting. This was another sign that I was sicker than I thought, physically. Chang started telling me parts of his job that he hated like having to tell patients they have a terminal illness. As I paled and my knees weakened even sitting, he broke the news to me, “Son, you don’t have any long-term goals do ya? And that three-year membership at Olympic Fitness Center that I mentioned might be good for you and it might be cheaper by the month.” I still wouldn’t let myself catch on, and Chang needs to brush up on his bedside manner. I asked him to get to the point, and he said that I was making it very hard for him. I shrieked, “Hard for you? Spit it out!” After he spit out his Dentine gum, I started to leave, but he pulled me back into the room. Then he came right out and said it, ... Mike & Sadie Mae for sale on Amazon on Kindle. Kindle apps are free on most phonea dn ipads....or maybe you have a Kindle reader. I so LOVE mine!!! Hope you enjoy this crazy book.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Oct 2013 15:59:09 +0000
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