Great article by relationship experts... There are other attributes that could imply that someone has the ability to both commit and develop a healthy relationship that have nothing to do with relationship history. Starting with: 1. Owning a Pet- Taking care of an animal is a big commitment. Not only that but it takes nurturing and patience. I know people who plan dates around being able to get home and walk their dog. They aren’t going to let their pet hold it in until 10 or 11pm when they get home. You also don’t get a dog or cat, take them home and they magically behave. There’s training involved. Which takes patience and a time investment. 2. Owning a Home - It’s rare that someone invests 25K or so in a home and then bail a year or two later. They worked hard to save up some or all of that money. By buying a home, they are agreeing to take on all the responsibilities involved. They don’t have the luxury of ringing up the super to unclog their drain. 3. Holding long time friendships/Being at a job for several years – Friendships take work. It’s easy to let them slip to the wayside. They take maintenance. Friendships, like romantic relationships, have peaks and valleys. Friends don’t take advantage of each other (often). Friends apologize even if they know they’re wrong. Friends are supportive. It’s almost impossible to avoid conflict or disagreements in a years/decades long friendship or job position. Learning how to navigate these arguments effectively takes skill. All of these things require a willingness to commit, effective communication, conflict management and compromise. Other things to consider when trying to determine someone’s ability to commit or ability to have a relationship: 1. Does this person support themselves (for the most part?) - Someone who is responsible for paying their own bills/debt and other day to day needs usually does so through hard work and discipline. Getting help from parents every now and then is one thing. Being mostly supported by your parents is another. Some who is financially aided by parents typically miss out on some major life skills. Namely financial management and general responsibility. 2. Are they surrounded by sycophants? – When you’re always being told what you want to hear, you never learn how to disagree. Nor do you learn how to deal with criticism. 3. Are they emotionally mature? – A lot of people have an overly idealized or romanticized view of relationships. When reality doesn’t match up to their fantasy, they’re more likely to quit the relationship. This is one of if not the biggest hurdle that many single women encounter. Especially women who have been single for a very long time. They’ve been alone for so long and are likely surrounded by women like them that their ideas about relationships never mature. They’re expectations and perspectives are almost childlike and definitely one-sided. They are baffled by the simplest of things. There are a lot of people out there who commit pretty effortlessly. I’ve spoken about the guy I know who, by age 30, has already lived with 3 different women. Take that at face value and he might have real relationship potential. Dig a little deeper and you learn that he cheated on two of them. Multiple times. For years. Still want him to be your boyfriend? One’s experience with commitment has little to do with one’s understanding of commitment. And like anything, a true understanding of something involves knowledge of all aspects of the experience. Not just the act itself.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Jul 2013 00:50:37 +0000
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