Have I ever told you about the time I went out with an Irish man? I was young, maybe 16, 17, and my friend and I had met a group of guys who we agreed to hook up with the following day. One of them was Irish and extremely cute. Now this did not go down well with my nan and granddad, who were typical Norfolkians, very old-fashioned and a little (okay, a lot) narrow minded in their views. They were quick to air their disgust at my mother for allowing me to hang out with an Irishman. What if he is connected to the IRA? Mum told them not to be so stupid, but still they were very concerned. A few days later they received a package in the post. Mum got a phone call early morning just after the postman had arrived (because this was the late eighties and the post used to actually be delivered in the morning). Nan: We’ve received a package. Mum: What is it? Nan: We don’t know. We haven’t opened it. Mum: Why not? Nan: We haven’t ordered anything. Mum: Well open it and find out what it is. Nan: We think it might be a bomb. Keri went out with that Irishman. We think he’s conspiring with the IRA and they’ve targeted us. Mum: Don’t be so bloody stupid. Nan: We warned you. We said, don’t let her go out with an Irishman. Mum: I’m going. Just open the package. Several hours passed. Nan called Mum again. Mum: What was in the package? Nan: We don’t know. We haven’t opened it yet. Mum: Why not? Nan: Because we still think it’s a bomb from the IRA. Mum: You’re idiots. Nan: We’re not. We’ve weighed it and we’ve shaken it. We think we heard ticking. Mum: Just open the package! Nan is still worried she’s been targeted by the IRA, but she is also curious by this point. She tells Granddad maybe they should just open the package. Granddad: You’re not opening that indoors and risking blowing our house up! If you want to open it you take it down to the bottom of the garden. So eventually Nan does. The big scary bomb from the IRA turns out to be some replacement batteries from Asda that my grandparents had forgotten they’d ordered. The Irishman was never mentioned again.
Posted on: Thu, 27 Nov 2014 22:02:34 +0000
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