I didnt think Id feel so much, but I did. As I got up to talk, I just wanted to cry. Im so glad shes no longer in any pain and shes well on her way into the next. But it all felt so final. It all felt so done. Ill never feel her cheeks, her soft hands. Ill never have lunch with her again. Shed always be at the door to greet us as wed take the lift up to her flat on the fourth floor. Shed always be at the window waving goodbye as wed come down the lift having had our Saturday lunch with her. There were just certain things she always did. Like send us birthday cards that would always arrive a couple days before and wrap up our presents with so much string that the difficulty of opening them added an incredible anticipation to the whole event. Shed always serve us the same food and she served us till the very last of her legs holding out before she had to sit and let us do a little for her what she did for us for decades. I will miss her smile the most. Her sparkly eyes. Her giggle at all my crazy stories. It was a difficult but really beautiful, apt day. I missed her for the past couple years where we didnt really get to be together because she was in so much pain and distress. But I treasure the moments where we would go for walks with her two sticks. Wed walk so slow, but wed always get where we had to go. She would never let me buy her lunch. If I bought her anything from the shops she would always have to pay me for it. Sometimes we wouldnt talk much. She was focused on taking her next step as independently as she could. But as her body felt frail as we linked arms, I was just happy to be next to her so close, her leaning on me. Us being together. She had her ways. She didnt falter with them. Ever. She survived being in two camps in WWII. She survived a car crash that killed her husband, mother and aunty on the spot. She endured two years of recovery so that she could be with her two young sons again and make some sense out of that incredible tragedy. She couldnt have had a better send off. I learned things about her today. It was beautiful to see her in the hearts of so many. Today, I remembered her before she declined. And I allowed myself to grieve for her deterioration, her pain and her passing. She was a very wonderful woman and she lived her difficult life with charm, dignity and strength. She never complained and she survived it all. Till the very end, she was even a match for old age. I think now, perhaps today, she misses her big cheeks as much as I do. She might miss our kisses, our cuddles, our holding hands. But I know shes dancing where she is now. And not just in her eyes. Her ankles are no longer swollen. She is free. And today was meant to be. R.I.P sweet lady. Baba, you did your thing and you did it in style xx you loved and you loved in a style Ill never forget xx
Posted on: Mon, 17 Nov 2014 23:21:29 +0000
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