I sit here and ask myself why... why am I so afraid to be alive most of the time? Why is it that when I acknowledge that I am a living thing (because I made a life- it makes it so different) I get a tense feeling of fear. It sends me chills and a knot in my stomach. Is it a deep seeded primal instinct, emotional issue, or linked to the knowledge of my ultimate fate- death. Does it matter why? I think it does. I think that if I get right to the point of the association I can relax about it. Let go of the fear and really live life to the fullest. Sometimes it isnt just a choice you make. Life is scary. Growing old must take time to get used to. Is it really just a disease? Sometimes I want to ask my grandmother that was born in 1927 if she is afraid to die. Knowing it could be almost any day... I would begin to panic. I am too vain. Or will this too fade, as I age and old settles in? Welcome to my brain 24/7.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 02:08:59 +0000