Its a strange feeling getting older, and theres a lot to be said for it. You know things, you know what to fight for and what to let go of. Theres freedoms too, like not having to make dinner and dessert every night, or an army load of packed lunches for the morning...no more last minute school laundry on a Sunday night. The hardest part about getting older for me is, firstly recognising that my reality, which is different for all humans, is made up of a myriad of points of reference ...the people in my life, the places Ive been, input from all my senses, and the roles Ive played...they all make up the infrastructure of my existence on this earth. You dont recognise these things when youre younger and ego-driven. But once you recognise this about your own life, the hardest part is watching that infrastructure start to crumble. Society changes for better or worse, and the beloved things of your past are now just memories. There is only one member of the older generation alive in my family now, so Im aware that my siblings and myself are next. Michael Jackson died, a key part of my infrastructure, and so many more have gone, all points of reference that underpin my life. Today is my friend Freds funeral, his death came out of the blue, one more change to my existence, like waves eroding a well made sandcastle. Getting older elicits greater challenges (not only physical ones...thats a given). I think its related to accepting that we are all only here for a very short time, a blink in the eye of the universe, and while the first half of our lives is about building a strong infrastructure, the second half of our lives is about accepting that everything that makes our reality of this life seem real is fleeting, and our infrastructure is eroding bit by bit as things change and those we love die. Although I feel desperately sad at my friend Freds sudden death, I am so grateful that he was part of my infrastructure, my existence. In my third book about death and depression, I have explored lifes infrastructure. Its title is, I only said I couldnt cope.
Posted on: Fri, 07 Mar 2014 07:41:27 +0000
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