Just because one has the amazing ability to make others laugh, doesnt mean it is because that ability originates from a sense of joy. Funny people arent happy all the time. I think quite the opposite is true. Personally, I think it comes from a constant need for approval. If I can make people laugh, that makes me feel like I have a sense of purpose. Its also a defense mechanism. If I can intentionally make people laugh by what I say and do, it will keep them from laughing at me for who I really am. I was overweight in high school, and I felt I had to develop a crazy personality that compensated for my physical appearance. It was all about survival. If I could keep people from judging my outer appearance by amusing them, that made me feel normal. I would do anything and everything to keep people laughing, because otherwise I was teased or just plain invisible. Humor was how I measured my worth, because I believed I was completely worthless. Though suicide, to some, may seem selfish, I can relate to turning to suicide as my only option to relieve myself and the world of the pain and destruction I caused. I dont know if that is also what you believed about yourself, Robin Williams, but I wish it wasnt too late to tell you that you are not worthless. You proved to the world that laughter can be and often is the best medicine. This may sound stupid, but his movie Mrs. Doubtfire really helped me cope with my parents divorce. He helped me laugh when all I wanted to do was drown in my pain and give up on life. He will forever mean so much to me. He brought a light, a small glimmer of hope, in my overwhelming darkness. His movies always had the similar theme in which he endured tough situations, hopelessness, pain and brokenness, and he somehow not only overcame those situations but also brought beauty and redemption from pain through his uncanny ability to make me laugh by seeing something good in every horrible situation and choosing to dwell on that instead of focus on the worst. My heart breaks for Robin Williams and his family. Thank you, Robin Williams, for making the impossible happen. Thank you for making me smile through my tears, laugh myself out of despair, and see hope in despair. Despite what you may have believed, you are loved and now sorely missed. If you ever consider suicide as an option, talk to someone. Talk to me. You are worth loving. You are worth the fight to live in freedom.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 20:26:39 +0000
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