KAI! Stop There! So I was done dressing up and ready to leave my sparsely-furnitured room holed in one of those ghettoes in Ojota to the Island to hustle. I checked my Jeans pockets. It had 2 handkerchiefs,an earphone,a Nokia handset,a pen and a N1,000 note. Of course those were the heady days when I was new to Lagos and trying to eke a living. That N1,000 note was my home and abroad,the only money I had on me. My GTB account was at that point very empty. I marched out,emerging out of one of those labyrinthine pathways that snaked through and around those long-standing buildings on to the ever busy Ogudu Road. To the lip of the road,I looked left,right and left again then crossed the first lane,same for the second lane. While I was on the kerb ready to cross the third lane,a felt a tap on my back. As I turned to look,I was staring into an ID Card with the Lagos State Coat Of Arms embossed on it. Dont you know that it is an offence not to use the pedestrian footbridge?,the dark,menacing face said to me his hand locked over the collar of my shirt. I...I...I didnt know..,I stammered. Dont worry,youd explain at the station. By now,I Had been surrounded by a posse of Green Uniformed Officers. Egba mi o! I don enter 1 chance,I thought to myself. Officer wait now. Ah ah! Take am easy,nah! I no steal. Just wait make me an you dey waka je je. I go follow you reach station. I knew that my hope of surviving hinged on that my last card. As we both made to cross,waiting for the traffic to ease,I shoved him aside with a heave of my shoulder. At least,my days of playing monkey post in Enugu in the 90s paid off. Then I Made a mad dash. Into the motley crowd that mills round the garage. I ran through the crowd with the KAI Officer in hot pursuit. I ran into a Gala sausage seller and the force was such that her wares were overturned and scattered all over the road. Another tray,laden with fruits clattered to the road. Folks who unknowingly stood in my way were either shoved aside violently aside or trampled upon. Ko oni da funyi! Oloriburuki! Me no send una o!,I thought. This was the N1,000 race and I was determined to win it. Mr KAI was not relenting though. I ran,he followed. I dogded through people until I espied an Appian Way (sorry if you didnt live in the South East). I made a smart turn,kept running faster than my legs could carry me,made another turn then emerged into a market which I blended into. Whew! I heaved and gasped,breathless. I started to notice my surroundings. I had to find my way back to the nearest bus stop to get to my destination. In retrospect,I thought of that event and chuckled. The average Nigerian hardly follows the rules. We know the rules and we like breaking them. We jump queues. We bribe. We bypass the counter. Why are we such an undisciplined lot? Yet surprisingly when we get to saner climes and better organised climes we behave. We follow the rules. We join the queue. We do as were told. A month ago,a picture went viral of a white guy urinating on the Third Mainland bridge,no? How we raged! How we cursed him! Would he dare do that in his country and all that self-righteous,pseudo-patriotic ish. Bah! In these two incidents,I had a moment of epiphany. We are a people who thrive when herded like livestock. We dont like it when were peacefully asked to join the queue,to follow the due process. There is something about the average Nigerian;were an impatient lot. I think its an societal thing. A chaotic environment engenders laxity and disorderliness. Instead of wasting money in sensitising citizens on the need to be civil,(good people,great nation and all that),structures and order should be incorporated into the environment. More footbridges should be built,turnstiles should be installed at bus stops,streets should be swept clean and dustbins should be readily available in street corners and in buses. As much as Nigerians respect the order that a Koboko can bring,it is also instructive to note that there is that side of us that respects orderliness and structure in and around our surroundings. It is that aspect that the Government should cater for ensuring that law,order and infrastructure are put in place.
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 10:19:41 +0000
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