MY TESTIMONY IS If you care to read Im 31 years old, been married for 10 1/2 years to a great man who I truly believe was made for me. We met in July 2003, and were married December 26th 2003 (when you know you know) Its not to say that we havent had our problems but I believe marriage is hard work and not always ment to be easy, its just I believe God created marriage to have someone who will help you and hold you up when you fall. We were married 2 years before we started trying to have kids, and after a year of trying I felt something wasnt right. So after many tests and being poked and prodded we found out that I have what is called polycystic ovarian syndrome, and was told that it would be almost impossible to get pregnant. Well I didnt want to accept that so me and my husband prayed about it and decided that we would go and try clomid. After 6 months on the clomid I was down to one cycle of pills left, and by the grace of God I ended up pregnant. Well a month later we went in for a checkup and surprise its twins we felt very blessed. We tried for 3 years and God not only give us one child but two. We were so overjoyed and so thankful that God gave us not one but two gifts. my husband will tell you that I was the happiest pregnant woman that he had ever seen for someone caring twins. I did not sweat the small stuff. I just took it as a joyful experience. I was just so excited to finally be pregnant and not with just one baby but two. At 24 weeks pregnant we went in for a routine checkup to make sure the babies were okay and got some life changing news Cheyanne faye had something wrong with her heart so then therefore we were transferred to a specialist called a cardiologist where we got the devastating news that are sweet baby girl had a bad heart and hers was so bad that she may not be born alive. My husband and i did a lot of crying and a lot of praying, as we did not know what would become of our sweet child. I was so hurt why would god bless us with two babies only to take one back, I was so confused. Well we just left it in Gods hands and knew that his will would be done. On April 4th 2008 at 36 weeks pregnant I delivered two babies baby a, our sweet Cheyanne Faye weighing 5 pounds and 1 ounce, and baby b, our sweet baby Isabell Ruth weighing 4 pounds 15 ounces. They were rushed to the n.i.c.u where they were cared for, there fight to live just began. My husband and I prayed like weve never prayed before, and knew it was in his hands. Isabell came home 27 days later, but our sweet Cheyanne had to stay, in her sweet 3 months and 9 days on earth she fought a good fight, I think she knew I wasnt ready to let go. She under went two caf labs, and having to be on a ventilator most her life, no parent should ever see there baby suffer the way we did. At 2 months old Cheyanne was strong enough to have the surgery to remove some of the tumors that was on her tiny heart, and after a 9 hour surgery she was moved to the p.i.c.u where she was on watch that whole night. I stayed with her some nights, I just didnt feel right leaving her there, even with the best doctors and nurses I was her mommy. The next month she did good, as always she had her bad days and good days but for the most part they were good days, she was doing so well they took her off the ventilator and put her on oxygen but after a few days she had to be put back on the ventilator, and it would be like that till her passing. Over these 3 months my husband and I did the hardest thing, we began to pray that if she wasnt gonna have a good and painless life that we wanted her to have we prayed god would take her, if it was his will. I wanted nothing more two have both my babies but if that wasnt gods plan then instead of her suffering we knew if he took her she would not suffer. On July 13th 2008 at 6:45 pm our sweet baby took her last breath. We were never angry with God but we were broken and lost but we knew she was safe and no longer in pain, so that gave us comfort. To loose a child is very much the hardest thing I have ever been through and no one knows that pain unless youve been through it. I was never the same after Cheyannes passing and I dont think I will ever be the same for a piece of me died with her. We began to start healing and we raised Isabell and enjoyed her. Its now June 2009, and my husband had to have surgery on his wrist, we had been trying again wanting so badly to give Izzy a living sibling, well we got our wish the same time my husband was in the hospital I found out I was pregnant, but god spoke to me and told me something wasnt right, and a week later I miscarried. After that we were ok because of the feeling I had I never allowed my self to get attached so I was ok because it was Gods plan. In October 2009 after 15 years in the Navy my husband got honorably discharged, so we made the move from Jacksonville Florida to his hometown of Wilmore Kentucky. A month after being in kentucky we found out God blessed us again and all was well, around 9 weeks pregnant the baby showed it self so well we were told that she thought it was a boy but that it was to early to be 100% but how cool that we would be finally having a boy. We were naming him Riley Cooper. We were attached started getting baby stuff, we bought a car seat, a stroller, and a high chair, we were just super happy god was blessing us again after all the loss. I prayed for my son everyday, and I talked to him, wrote to him about my hopes and dreams for him. In January 2010 we went in for our monthly checkup, I was 14 weeks pregnant. Well the doctor came in took my weight and blood pressure all was good, then they put the heart beat finder on my belly, and my heart dropped they didnt find a heart beat. I started crying not again not again. Well they took me into do a sonogram and our fears were confirmed, he was gone. My heart was broke again. I had a d.n.c. a few days later. Those few days was so hard knowing I lost my sweet son but knowing his body was still in my belly was so hard. I prayed to god telling him I wasnt mad I was just sad. Over the next few months I stayed in bed, its like I shut down. I couldnt breath I not only lost one baby but three. I always thought I delt with the loss of my sweet Cheyanne but loosing Riley made me realize I just put my pain in a box in closed it and went into mommy mode for Isabell, but loosing Riley opened that box wide open. I went into a deep depression, and I blamed Tim for all my pain. Down deep I knew it wasnt his fault but he was the closest to me so I put the blame on him. In May 2010 four months after the loss of Riley I bought a plane ticket for me and Isabell. We went to Alabama where I stayed a few days with my family, then we headed to Jacksonville Florida. I had people there that knew the real me and would help me get back to reality. Tim was deeply hurt over me leaving but at the time I didnt care the only person I cared about was my self. I was just so depressed I couldnt see straight. After being in jacksonville for a few weeks and having time away from Tim I was able to some what get my self back. I dont think I will ever completely recover from the loss of 3 kids, but I do know the Lord wipes my tears. We were in jacksonville from 2010 to 2012 and we decided all the reasons we moved to Kentucky were still valid. I did not want to raise Isabell in city life, so in April of 2012 we packed up and moved back to kentucky. After being in kentucky a few weeks I started to feel a little off, so I told tim to go get a pregnancy test. No we were not trying but something told me to get the test, so tim went, and boy did we get a shock! It was a big fat positive. I was pregnant. I was in so much shock I sent him back to the store to get another and again it said positive. Called the next day and 2 weeks later it was proven true we were having a baby. Remind you I have pcos, this was the first time I got pregnant without fertility medicine and to top it off I hadnt had a menstrual cycle for 9 months and got pregnant. We were so over joyed and felt very blessed and wanted to scream it from the roof top but we agreed to tell only very few till I was past 14 weeks. I could not handle another loss. At 19 weeks we went in to find out if the baby would have the same rhabdomyoma heart tumors, we were so relived she did not but just when we thought we were in the clear the doctor says she doesnt have the tumors on her heart but that she did have a ccam on her lung and either it would correct itself while she was in my belly or she would need surgery, my heart dropped not again not again. We cried and went home and prayed after that every sonogram the spot got smaller and smaller and we felt blessed. On December 21st 2012 I gave birth to a beautiful 9 pound 13 pound baby she was beautiful and such a blessing, and at 6 months old the lord blessed us once again and she was cleared god had healed her on his own and no sign of the ccam. we have been through a lot in our now almost 11 year marriage I know most marriages wouldnt last the loss of one child let alone 3. I truly believe the only reason we are together today is because our walk and faith in the lord. I may not understand or everything that we have been thru but there is a reason I truly believe that were just not meant to understand. here today as i look back on everything that we have been through I am at peace with the loss of our family because I truly believe if I would not have lost riley my sweet Kaitlyn Renae would not be here and I cannot imagine a world without her in it. I have no clue why Im posting this but god is telling me to post some of my testimony this isnt everything but I truly believe the lord isnt done with with me yet for Im still a work in progress
Posted on: Mon, 30 Jun 2014 05:21:23 +0000
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