Morning November 29th, 2014 Recovering from losing a child may very well be a lifetime experience. I don’t know, I haven’t even gone a year through this experience. I have had some other significant things with bad results happen in my life. I know with some of those events it took me years to get where the heart and mind could deal with the challenges such happening had brought to my life. I suspect I will never quite be in a place where this change in my life is completely healed. I am hoping and expecting that I can move on with life and become the new person I am shaping into now. There are a lot of pitfalls in this journey. One has to be mentally strong. One has to be as emotionally stable as one can be in all kinds of settings. Footing is often slippery and faulty. I mean that not everything and every word that is said is actually beneficial. I think ninety-nine percent of the people that I come in contact with and say things are trying to help, to comfort, to assure me that life is worth all the trouble it presents from time to time. I also know it doesn’t take much to plant a seed that grows into larger problems. …10But one whom you forgive anything, I forgive also; for indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ, 11so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes. 2nd Corinthians 2: 10-11 Paul wrote four letters to the Corinthians. Two of those letters are lost. Second Corinthians was written partly because Paul wanted the believers in Corinth to understand that forgiveness is an essential part of correcting the behavior of a lost believer. He wanted the Corinthians to understand that once a person is forgiven they should be accepted back in the fold. Holding a sin, a hurt, something someone had done against a person will only cause division and once that crack develops the devil has a foothold. All the devil needs is doubt to spin his turmoil. I am on guard for this kind of problem and it can easily develop with people. Our family loves each other and we have to work just like other families do sometimes to make sure we understand each other. We heal differently, we think differently, we have different needs. How we talk to each other has to be with the love of God. If we disagree, we have to understand that listening and forgiving is the best thing we can do. If one reads about Paul in any depth his personality quickly comes out. Paul knew that the way he said things, the way he hammered away at certain truths made him unpopular among some Christians. He was aware that saying the hard things in the love of Christ would not always be accepted. He also knew that there would be people trying to deceive believers. Paul constantly told people to measure the words, listen with their mind and be on guard against false teachings. Why? And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 2nd Corinthians 11:14 So, this journey is sometimes like a quest. It is tiring, it pulls at everything in our hearts and minds. It pits each of us against difficulties that make us stop and think and have to make choices. Thanksgiving was a very good day. I also fought against thoughts and feelings that made me want to be hurt. Seeing others enjoying themselves, seeing others laughing and having a good time was difficult to deal with during the day. They were doing nothing wrong and there was no intent to hurt me. Life was going on and so was my life moving forward. One cannot expect others to be guarded and tempered in their own lives because of how my life has unfolded. I accepted that Thanksgiving was going to happen and that I could only control one thing in all that would transpire. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15: 7 I was uncomfortable at times and sometimes I wanted the noise to go away. Paul understood that his personality and his understanding of things would not always be how people accepted Christ. To some I suspect Paul was hard and unfeeling. I know that others that were around me on Thanksgiving has no idea of how difficult the day was for me. That is why Timothy was so valuable to Paul. Timothy was strong and listened well. He delivered the gospel in a different way than Paul, but no less effective. For those around me that had very little knowledge of my daily struggles, the day was good for them. Because it was good for them, it was not as difficult as it could have been had I reacted differently. By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you--I, Paul, who am timid when face to face with you, but bold when away! I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. 2 Corinthians 10:1-2 I know that telling my story will not always be heard. And there are places that my story has purpose and other places it needs to be inside myself not where others can see my story. Certain things we think and know should only be shared with God through deep prayer. Remember what 2nd Corinthians 2:14 says about the devil. He will take any form to fool a person. That means he has ears and hears the quietest utterance. I have things that hurt me so bad that I just can’t hold on to those things. But people may not understand the intent of my words or hear my words the way I mean them. Once words are spoken they are like sails in the wind to be formed the way others understand them. No, some of those deep hurts and needs need to be between me and God. I don’t want my needs misunderstood or have the devil influence the ears and minds of others. I’ve hurt enough people in my life with my words and by not saying things when I should have said them. This journey has to become better, more blessed because we had Kendra, she was beautiful and oh so very human too. If I speak I need to be very sure that what I say has been presented before God and that His guidance will help me and those I speak to understand the meaning of what I say. Yesterday I did something I was not very good at before. I embraced the day and prayed for God to help me not be a negative part of others lives. I think I did it. I may not like what I have to do, and others may not like what I say, but it will be honest and hopefully I will grow in Christ’s love. God is good, Amen. Dad
Posted on: Sat, 29 Nov 2014 12:12:00 +0000
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