My Mom recently found this beautiful poem she wrote about her Mom, just after she passed (in 2008), and shared it with me. I was captivated listening to her read it, and received permission to share here as I think others might enjoy too. Proud of you Christina McKinney - what a wonderful gift to remember her by. How did you not despair when we plucked you from the home that you loved and flew you north to a home you never knew? Your anger flashed for a time when you realized The last vestige of control was gone. In the company of strangers Day and night… How did you not despair? When your beloved husband… moved away from you? Or before... when you stopped trusting him... but were unsure why? When your legs went out from under you and could no longer hold you up? When your mind began to cloud And you lost yourself in spaces that you once knew? When you could no longer swallow your food without choking on every bite? How did you not despair when you sat in silence for hours each day waiting for a visitor... In the company of strangers however kind who didnt know you when you were full of life and surrounded by love? Who never saw you… Bring paintbrush to canvas to create beauty? Patiently needlepoint, knit, sew… Who never saw you… walk across Paris, dance on shipboard, Laugh until tears ran freely… Who never saw you gather flowers, soothe your children, wrap your arms around your love? Why didnt you crumble into yourself in the agony of all things lost? Why didnt you scream and flail and writhe in your gated bed? How could you tell me.. Oh yes, I slept well. How could you close your eyes in peace against the dark aloneness? How did you still love me so through all of the loss? It was all you had left to give, your love. How you insisted that I lie in your bed after my surgery while you sat in a chair beside me so that I could rest… And when I woke, you were peacefully sleeping while holding my hand… Mothering me. Each time I was with you, your mantra… I love you, I love you… Darling daughter. I wanted to scoop you up in my arms and bring you home with me… No more strangers hands on your body. But I left you there… Another day, another visit, another goodbye. You found a way to hold on to yourself in all the darkness… Had your small shred of dignity to the end…when your purpled skin dried against your bones... When you shrank week by week, your face growing more angelic… When you could no longer grasp a cup… too weak to hold a pencil… You chose love over despair… When the nurse encouraged your death saying, You can go now. You shot back… I am waiting for my daughter… You kept your dignity Mother…. You taught me well.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 15:39:33 +0000
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