NOTES ON URINATION Hssh! Please don’t be shocked and amazed, and also excuse me of your sharp, derogatory and nasty remarks for me which you all must have kept pent up for me, waiting for the right time to erupt out of your properly arranged mental shelves. Well , to be honest every process associated with nature is really amazing, mystic, full of charm and intriguing- and so it is also known as “ NATURE’S CALL”. I would like to share with you all the thought process and my research work which has been purely based upon observations , with a malice towards none. Ours is a developing nation and hence the levels of sophistication unlike western nations has been directly proportional to the development of our society, infrastructure and above all the civic sense, which we have always defined and built strictly on personal basis. Moreover, we want to remain clung to nature and thus derive a secret pleasure and freedom in urinating in the open. Thus, wherever we move in our country we find secluded, wet , trickling, pungent odored corners ( they are often boundaries, remote walls, may be electric poles, or sparsely covered corners with shrubs in a parking place, which the parking guy has deliberately left for our friends who face an emergency urine attack when they come to take or park their vehicles). Anyway, we are at times so brazen in seeking this right of ours, that we tend to ignore people marching past us, and often share and allow our pitter patter micro drops to caress them softly, at the same time permitting them a sneak into the structure and other physical properties of our member. I have many of my friends, who would rather prefer to carry out this call in the open , in spite of the invitation of a public convenience to them to avail its wonderful services. In fact the other day, I was having a chat with few security guards posted with an important official premise, when one of them narrated a story of one of his colleagues who had been entrusted with the security of a bungalow possessed by an affluent businessman in Delhi. The owner visited this bungalow of his, occasionally, when he wanted a different mating partner to pleasure himself and add some pickle to his otherwise monotonous married life. How ever , this wonderful friend of ours relished urinating in the open, underneath the umbrella of stars, amidst the soothing sounds of the nocturnal creatures. The security guard was though, ignorant of this fancy of his master, and thus while in the middle of a night, after he was content with the fulfillment of his lusty desires, thought of relieving himself in his garden, and the security mistaking him as an intruder blew a hard blow on the head of his master with a stout bamboo. He surely must have helped his master to get rid of the whimsical habit of his! The mannerisms associated with this natural process are also as varied as the different kinds of people with different psychological constituents which form them. There are ones who prefer to carry it out while sitting on their knees, while others are comfortable with the standing posture. Some like to hold their member in their hands, as if it were a hose pipe and they had been employed to water the grasses and weeds underneath. There are people who like to release their fountain in the form of jet streams so that each shot is voluminous and also possesses a critical velocity. I remember a distant uncle of mine , who after pissing, used to make his penis touch the ground thrice, before asking his cobra to retire inside his undergarments. With mobiles becoming a must have components of today’s life, one can often find people allowing their extra water getting drained off while they are busy with the discussions with their business partners. It’s a picturesque sight beside the roads, when both the hands of theirs are engaged, one with the blackberry scrolling through mails, and the other one holding a different set close to the ear which enables him to speak to someone at the same time. This really demonstrates and validates the level of the tense schedule and power packed environment of our corporate world today. We have celebrities who have been caught by the candid camera, urinating beside an important public building or places of utter significance. I would like to recall one such incident which happened when I was a child and it leaves me with all smiles. I think it was the year 1980 and I must have been five or six. We were a lot of dozen village children , where our means of recreation were limited, often we could not even afford a football and thus made one by piling and closely knitting together unused clothes. The life of such a football usually remained confined to one match only and after that it used to get disfigured into its raw materials. After one such matches when our football had been disfigured even before the result, the captains were in dilemma as the capacity, level, strength and above all the talent of the teams lay far from being judged. Thus it was decided by our honorable captains to have an URINATING CONTEST, which would determine and declare the winning team, and the criteria was as to how far a person could throw his jet of urine. The one whose urine spray reached the farthest would be the winner and so would be team which he represented. Jagganath Bhai ( a distant cousin of mine)was the captain of the rival team, while my team was captained by Puchaa , a village lad couple of years senior to me. Before I move ahead, I would like to inform my readers that everything remained a bone of contention between these two and one considered the other one a pukka idiot. And thus the contest started, and the ridge of a paddy field was chosen where each one was asked to stand and carry out his turn. We had an umpire who did not belong to either of the group and he was asked to make a mark by a stick, ie. the farthest point traversed by one’s splash. Jagganath Bhai had won the toss and he invited our team to urinate first. Up we went one by one and relieved ourselves from the top of the ridge while the umpire meticulously with utmost honesty imprinted the marks on the soft mud. Finally it was the turn of our captain Puchaa , and we cheered him, wished him the best and were also confident as he possessed a highly muscular pipe which was thicker and more well built than most of us. Well, he drove a marvellous shot which went the farthest and we marveled at his capacity and power, and to me it seemed as if he had drunk gallons of water without emptying himself since that morning. He was well ahead of us in our group and we all knew that it posed a great challenge to Jagannath Bhai, at the same time were pretty confident that our captain would walk away with the tag of the winner. This was also because , Jaggannath Bhai, though being taller and better built than Puchaa, yet possessed a smaller member. Even the umpire’s eyes popped out with surprise, when he marked the point which was kissed by the drop of the farthest trajectory, as if he had found the roll no of his son on the merit list of candidates who had cracked an important examination. We were quite happy with the performance of our captain and that of our team in particular, and a few of us patted and hugged our leader in ecstasy as if he had just returned from a battle victorious by his valiance and bravery. Jagannath Bhai , was however ,pensive and in deep thought and was in a sort of meditative state, though his eyes remained open. It was the turn of his team and it would be rather pointless to present a description of the show by his team members, as they were within the average limits and fringes. After having taken their turns, now it was the turn of our Jagannath Bhai, who looked composed and calm but deep within him ran a stream of implementable strategies which would enable him to seize the contest back in his hands which he seemed to have lost. He went up the ridge in a reflective manner as if he had been asked to talk on some serious international issue, and that too in an extempore mode. For a few seconds we found him to be standing upon the ridge, and being curious our eyes went up to his member and tried to look for the cause which prevented the sight of his gushing fountain. We discovered that , Jagannath Bhai had held the mouth of his penis with the help of his left hand fingers, and at the same time applying force to ooze out the urine. And then he released his fingers from his banana, and from nowhere we seemed to hear a soft crackling sound formed by the rupture of something. We were not in a mood to decipher and investigate the origin of this sound and what we cared about was the final outcome. Well, the distance plotted by his jet was twice what had been achieved by our captain Puchha, and it was clearly a remarkable feat, which was acknowledged by all of us in a true spirit of ideal sportsmanship. More than the capacity, we appreciated the presence of mind of Jagannath Bhai, and he had almost vanquished one and all in the final round. Needless to say, the umpire declared him to be the winner and the team which he belonged to. We all called it a day and some gradually drifted towards the flowing river, to wash our hands and feet, while others marched towards their mud houses. Jagannath Bhai seemed to be lost somewhere, and it was felt as if something troubled him within, and thus more than him, his team members basked in his victory. The cause of Jagannath Bhai’s troubled looks however came to the light the next day, when we found him to be carried on a stretcher by some members of his family. It came to be known that Bhai hadmet with an accident while performing the stunts the other day, and somehow there had been a rupture in his penis, which had turned the limping creature into a swollen black mass, so much so that Jagannath Bhai was not able to even walk properly. But Bhai had not lost his presence of mind even at that stage, and to the media and his family he had put the blame on a an accident which he supposed to have met while driving his bicycle to the high school!
Posted on: Sun, 01 Sep 2013 02:34:47 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015