Our next Bonus mom is at her wits end and is struggling with how to make things better with DH and her stepkids. Please offer kind words of encouragement and helpful advice... My husband and I have been together/married for a little over 4 years. He has had primary custody of his 2 daughters for the last 6 years. They are now 8 1/2 and 13. At first there were the usual bumps when adjusting to a new person in the family, but pretty quickly things were running smoothly. Ive never had birth children, so having stepdaughters was awesome! My husband works 16-18 hours a day, when he isnt working hes drinking. With his schedule and higher earnings potential, it made sense for me to adjust my schedule so I could be with the girls when they were with us. I drive to and from school, make doctor appointments, back to school shopping, anything and everything a parent does. I also cook, clean, and do everything around the home that needs done, pick up after everyone, take care of the animals, work part-time and own a home based business. The last few months have been hell. My 13 y/o SD has no respect for me, she makes it a point to totally ignore me, doesnt do anything I ask, bullies her little sister into not doing what I ask, steals my stuff, and lies constantly. She refuses to clean up her room, she leaves used sanitary products laying around, etc. My husband has (for all intents and purposes) been an absentee parent for 2 years, due to work and drinking. When I try to talk to him about older SDs behavior, he tells me its a power struggle. When older SD talks to him, she tells him lies about me, and he is believing the lies. She has informed me as Im not her parent, she doesnt need to show me any respect or talk to me at all, she doesnt need me to sign any papers for school or anything, she will have a real parent do it. My husbands ex wife is addicted to prescription pain killers, and buys my SDs love with possessions. BM (when she has the girls) goes to bed by 5 pm and is gone by 4 am for work. It of course falls to my older SD to basically raise her little sister when they are with BM. BM then gives older daughter an iPhone 6, and tells her to tell me that Im not allowed to touch it, go through it, or take it. My husband agreed!!!! Any rule I make, any chores I try to get the girls to do, anything I cook, they both go whine to their dad, and he tells them they dont have to do it, they dont have to eat it (and he then takes them out to dinner), etc. Basically my husband is undermining my role in the family. My husbands drinking is contributing to a lot of the drama and problems in the family, and I dont know how much more I can take. Last night, things came to a head. I went to visit family for a week, and when I came home, I was ignored by both SDs, and my husband (in front of the kids) loudly said my house, my kids, my rules. Um.......what?? He has also told me in front of the kids that he will always side with them over me. Short of walking away from my life and filing for divorce, does anyone have any advice? Anyone going through the same thing? Counseling and AA arent options, my husband has already refused to do either.
Posted on: Mon, 10 Nov 2014 16:30:24 +0000
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