Seen, for the first time, in stunning 4 pixel resolution, here we have the 3 separate trophies side by side. From left to right: the 24 carat plastic Champions League; a gleaming aluminium Europa League cup, shining like a proud diamond; and the easily inflatable and portable Paint Trophy in heather grey. Times are hard, and weve already waved goodbye to half the teams. Take, for instance, the George Abbot/Kings College standoff between Pathetico Madrid and Exeter Genty. An unmissable 2nd leg, given that the seemingly invincible Exeter Gently had all but thrown in the towel after a 4-2 defeat the previous week. The fans were perched on the edge of their hockey goals. Could Exeter make the comeback? Or would Pathetico volley their way to semi-final qualification? Shame on you if you doubted the merits of the boys in red and white. They came out the gates hungry for goals and it really wasnt long before they took a 2-0 lead. A barrage of shots from all 4 outfield players led Pathetico into submission. However, a 2-goal margin would only have sent the game to penalties. All of a sudden, a hoof over the top of the Exeter defence put Pathetico in a sweaty position. And sure enough, a perfect, albeit undeniably sweaty, cross left Harry Sherman stranded and the ball was tapped into the empty net with great aplomb. 2-1. Pathetico would make it through. Dejection spread not just through the team on the pitch, but the Exeter fans spectating too. Unfortunately, anyone hoping for an Angry Adam Pritchard or a Bawling Brandon Annett was left disappointed. Having fans behind their team for once made all the difference, and they kept their heads up. With barely 5 minutes to go, Adam powered the ball home to make it 3-1. Elation ensued throughout Burpham. Fans who couldnt make the trip to Pitch 1 could be heard crying tears of joy in the Abbotswood estate. Burpham Football Club Under 17s could also hear the screams of jubilation from their very important training session. But, still, this would mean penalties. Neither side had a guaranteed path through to meet Balls Deep in the semis. Step up to the plate Oliver Vyvyan. Hes demonstrated a melon for goals all season long and when it really mattered, he wasnt AWOL. Bang. 4-1. Dreams were made and lost in this moment. Pathetico, whove looked dead certs for a final 4 finish since they joined, couldnt believe it. And neither could Exeter, who now have to take on one of only two foes they havent yet beaten: Balls Deep. It promises to be one of the best George Abbot Champions League semi finals in recent memory. Dropping down one tier, the Europa League is just as hotly-contested, and the players no less determined to win at any cost. Lobbing Seaman, who have personified sportsmanship itself all year long, have been making utter fools out of their recent opponents, winning 4 of their last 6, 3 of those by a single goal. But everybodys human, and they have their demons. The Lobbing Seaman Ultras remember fondly the penalty shootout they had a few months back to decide who should leave the team to make it a team of 5. Back then, they hardly exhibited style and flair in their pens, but times have changed, and they hoped theyd be more ready this time for a motivated Norfolk N Chance side on the back of a 2-1 first leg win. Norfolk began much better than they did the week before, passing and moving, communicating and making great use of passing back to Charlie to waste a little time. But Seaman held them in their back pocket and they werent threatened in the least. That is, until referee Matt Nash made a dubious and some would say absurd decision to sin-bin superkeeper Jordan Watts for booting the ball into the Year 8 playground to cause a delay. Down to 4 men, Seaman placed their striker George Cairns in goal, and did their best to boot the ball into touch every time they got it. Following one of these magnificent wallies, a stray ball wandered onto the pitch and Seaman hurried to get rid of it before Norfolk took a throw-in. Turning around in unison, to their horror they discovered an unmarked Alex Penson through on goal with no one to stop him but sub keeper Cairns. He made no mistake. With a wallop, he directed the ball cleanly onto Cairns heel and from that it deflected into the corner of the net to tie the game on aggregate. The game descended into farce for the last 5 minutes. Both sides were playing for penalties, confident they could outwit the other from the spot. Laces were tied, balls were booted over the fence, and dodgy fouls were committed in an attempt to run down the clock. Sure enough, after 5 consecutive Norfolk backpasses, Nash blew the proverbial 5 A Side whistle (he shouted time). And the players knew what was required of them. They sidled up to the penalty area, closely followed by a huge mob of (presumably Seaman) fans. You couldve cut the tension with a strand of Roo Hines gelled-up hair. First up: Norfolk. They were unnerved, but tried not to show it. They quickly raced to a 1-0, and then 2-1, lead. Year 13 collectively had to hold back their salty tears. Seaman had embodied footballing spirit and talent for them, and to see them crash out on pens would be too much. But, you see, Seaman themselves werent worried. They had an ace up their sleeve. Both teams had taken 3 pens, and with the score 2-1 to Norfolk, Seaman decided to bring in their weapon of mass footy destruction to even things up a little. He may be the worst-kept secret in the school. From the corridors of Elmslie to the canteens of Raynham, all across Gabbot his name has been immortalised in the chants of lower school students emulating their hero. Some of the more musical students have composed chansons de geste as an ode to his abilities. Year 7s are humbly made to worship at a small papier-mache statue of him doing a scoop every form time. Call him what you may - a footy genius, the next Milan Baros, The Chosen One - Michael Rozelle stepped up to the spot to take his pen. The opposing keeper, Charlie King, broke out in a heavy sweat. Hed been having nightmares about this moment all week. Seamans number 27 has a penchant for making the keeper look like a clown, and he did so once again, coolly sending him the wrong way with a superb sidefoot into the lower left corner. 2-2. Several spectators fainted, unable to bear the pressure. Charlies turn, taking the 5th and final penalty for Norfolk. And score he did, sliding the ball only barely under Jordan Watts outstrected body. This put the outcome of the game at Jordans feet. Score, and it would go to sudden death. Miss, and Norfolk would go on to live another day, meeting Chamakh My Pitch Up in the semis. The rest is history. The ball crashed against the post, and the celebrations lasted about 10 seconds as Norfolk ran to that important Burpham training session. So it is. The end of an era. Lobbing Seaman, as we know it, will never have a taste of George Abbot success and silverware. We wish Chamakh My Pitch Up all the best in defeating Norfolk - something we regrettably couldnt quite do. So, with all the eliminations this week, what does the landscape look like for the various semis? Look no further: CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Exeter Gently vs Balls Deep Multiple Scoregasms vs Inter YiNan Youll realise these 4 teams all finished in the top 4 back in the league - proven superstars, going head to head. What more could you ask for? EUROPA LEAGUE: Puyol Pants Down vs Crystal Phallus Chamakh My Pitch Up vs Norfolk N Chance With only 1 Year 13 team remaining (Seaman were obviously eliminated and Tekkerslovakia also capitulated to Chamakh), Phallus will have the hopes of an entire year on their young shoulders. Meanwhile, Year 12 have a guaranteed representative in the final - one of Chamakh and Norfolk WILL make it that far. PAINT TROPHY: Petr Cech Yourself vs (winner of Saviles vs BTEC) 2 Goals 1 Cup vs DJ Will Fix It Everyone has a soft spot for the Paint Trophy, but that doesnt mean these teams wont fight tooth and nail for the prestigious inflatable trophy from Matt Jarvis. Looking for the best odds? My moneys on DJ Will Fix It. But knockout football is unpredictable, and you never know what might happen. Heres what I suggest: if you know youre going to be around during half term, specifically on Thursday 10th or Tuesday 15th, from 3pm-4pm, and youre in a semi final, would you mind commenting below on behalf of your team? We may not be able to play any of them, equally, we may be able to play all of them. But it means we wont be in such a rush when we return to school. Also, anyone who wants a friendly, do the same please! Time is running *extremely* low. Heroes are made in times like these. Take a look at those trophies and tell me you dont want to hear the roar of the faithful, the bleating of the vuvuzelas, and experience all the thrill of stepping out onto the pitch with the express aim of writing a little piece of history. Your scores: Puyol Pants Down 2-0 Every Holes A Goal (4-3) LMAA 0-2 DJ Will Fix It (2-3) Multiple Scoregasms 3-2 Texas Oldham Multiple Scoregasms 1-1 Texas Oldham (4-3) Inter YiNan 4-0 Borussia Teeth (6-2) 2 Goals 1 Cup 1-1 NotInHer Forest (11-2) Breast Homage Albion 5-2 Crystal Phallus (6-6P) Lobbing Seaman 0-1 Norfolk N Chance (2-2P) Chamakh My Pitch Up 1-0 Tekkerslovakia (5-1) Exeter Gently 4-1 Pathetico Madrid (6-5) Expected Toulouse 2-1 Petr Cech Yourself (2-3) Balls Deep 6-2 Blink 1-Etoo (14-2) And your Micharry Team Of The Week: Charlie King - Saved a penalty, and ultimately handed his side a ticket to the Europa semis. Adam Pritchard - Desperately unlucky to hit the bar with one volley, but pulled it out the bag when his side needed it most and scored an important goal on the road to victory. Justin Rowland - So I understand it, Justin scored not once but twice as he subbed in for Balls Deep against his Scoregasms teammate Harry Eke, who was subbing in for Blink 1-Etoo. Hes hitting his peak right when Multiple Scoregasms need it most. Jake Pollock - Seen by many as the little baby of the Inter YiNan side, Jakey Wakey held it together in the 4-0 win against Borussia Teeth, which was much closer than the scoreline suggests. He got the goal he deserved. Henry Bookham - He decided to celebrate his 18th by engineering the comeback of the quarters, beating Phallus 5-2 to send the tie to penalties. Unfortunately he couldnt take them past this stage - scoring his penalty in a losing effort, but to take Breast Homage from the brink to an almost-semi final has to be recognised.
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 20:53:35 +0000
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