Share Wife and hub rights Treat your wife how you want your daughter to be treated Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy upon him) said, ... Know that when you deal and interact with your wife then it is mandatory that you think of a [scenario] where a man is the husband of your daughter. How does he treat her? Would you be pleased for him to treat her with harshness and sternness? The answer is no. Therefore, do not be content with treating the daughter of another person in a fashion that you would not be pleased for your daughter to be treated. This principle should be known by all people. Ash-Sharh Al-Mumti (vol. 12, p. 381) Allah instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability: “…And live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19) The Messenger of Allah said, The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women.’ The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith. How can a Muslim husband be good to his wife? He pbuh should smile, not hurt her emotionally, remove anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with her. Being nice includes good communication. A husband should be willing to open up, and be willing to listen to his wife. Many times a husband wants to air his frustrations (like work). He should not forget to ask her about what annoys her (like when children would not do their homework). A husband should not talk about important things with her when he or his wife is angry, tired, or hungry. Communication, compromise, and consideration are the cornerstone of marriage. Being nice includes encouraging one’s wife. The most meaningful admiration comes from a sincere heart that notices what really matters — what the wife really values. So a husband should ask himself what she feels most insecure about and discover what she values. That is the wife’s sweet spot of praise. The more the husband compliments it, the more the wife will admire it, the more on target this healthy habit will be. Kind words are like, “I like the way you think,” “You look beautiful in those clothes,” and “I love hearing your voice on the phone.” Human beings are imperfect. The Messenger of Allah said, “A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes something in her character, he should be pleased with some other trait of hers.” A man should not hate his wife because if he dislikes something in her, he will find something he likes about her if he gives it a chance. One way to be aware of what he likes in his wife is for the husband to make a list of a half dozen things he appreciates about her. Marriage experts recommend that one be as specific as possible and focus on character traits — just as the Prophet pbuh of Allah recommended, not just what she does for the husband. For example, a husband may appreciate the way she arranges his clean laundry, but the underlying character trait may be that she is thoughtful. The husband should consider admirable traits such as being compassionate, generous, kind, devout, creative, elegant, honest, affectionate, energetic, gentle, optimistic, committed, faithful, confident, cheerful, and so on. A husband should give himself some time to construct this list, and review it in times of conflict when he is most likely to feel averse towards his wife. It will help him be more aware of his wife’s good attributes and far more likely to compliment them. Share Duties of a Wife With rights come responsibilities. Therefore, wives have certain obligations to their husbands. The Quran states: “…The good women in the absence of their husbands guard their rights as Allah has enjoined upon them to be guarded….”(Quran 4:34) A wife is to keep her husband’s secrets and protect their marital privacy. Issues of intimacy or faults of his that would dishonor him, are not to be shared by the wife, just as he is expected to guard her honor. A wife must also guard her husband’s property. She must safeguard his home and possessions, to the best of her ability, from theft or damage. She should manage the household affairs wisely so as to prevent loss or waste. She should not allow anyone to enter the house whom her husband dislikes nor incur any expenses of which her husband disapproves. A Muslim woman must cooperate and coordinate with her husband. There cannot, however, be cooperation with a man who is disobedient to Allah She should not fulfill his requests if he wants her to do something unlawful. A husband also should not take advantage of his wife, but be considerate of her needs and happiness. It is not permissible for a woman to go out of her husband’s house without permission, rather many of the scholars regarded this as nushooz (defiance) and going against the husband, if there is no excuse for doing that, such as if her husband is harming her in a manner that she cannot ward off and so on. the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have told women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2140) and al-Tirmidhi (1159); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great” [al-Nisa’ 4:34] Among the admonishment that you may use with her is telling her of the sin that she is committing by disobeying her husband, and the great reward that she will attain if she obeys him. The Quran states: “And it befits not a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided on an affair (for them), that they should (after that) claim any say in their affair; and whoso is rebellious to Allah and His Messenger, he verily goes astray in error manifest.” (Quran 33:36)
Posted on: Thu, 29 May 2014 16:15:13 +0000