The Short Vort Good Morning! Today is Tuesday the 2nd of Av 5773 and July 9, 2013 Tzoras Often I am asked as a rabbi, “When will the Tzoras (pain, affliction, suffering and troubles) end?” This question can be asked in a communal setting such as when a most difficult tragedy has impacted on the Tzibbur (community) such as now during the Nine Days when we commemorate the destruction of Yerushalayim; or it can be asked by the individual when they or their family members have been afflicted with pain and suffering. Often an individual will approach me and armed with their personal litany of complaints/troubles, they will list off for me all of the various afflictions which they are certain Hashem has visited upon them for (as they see it) no sufficient reason. They will enumerate for me how Hashem has given them lack of proper health and/or inadequate Parnossa (livelihood). They will cry over why Hashem has ‘blessed’ them with this spouse or this child and how everyone else in the world appears to be happily married, have the best and most obedient and wonderful children, is making loads and loads of money and eats what they want and when they want and nevertheless remain slim and fit and healthy. Their basic message is, “Why G-d did you do this to ME?” I listen and I try to point out the good things they have in their life (which they do). I try to validate their feelings and share in their pain; which we all must do. However, if they are receptive and are able to listen I also assure them that not only are they not as ‘cursed’ as they initially think, and not only are they much more truly blessed from Hashem than they realize; however, I also tell them that their basic assumption about others is flawed. After almost twenty years in the rabbinate I can assure you of one thing about this world: No one (and I mean no one) is getting a ‘free ride’ in this world. No one is pain free and no one is eating a ‘free lunch’ in the here and now. Indeed, more often than not, those couples and families which from the outside seem to be problem free and peaceful and happy are (more than you can imagine) on the inside full of strife and anger. Men and women who appear outwardly immune to the vicissitudes of this world are in reality crying bitter tears of pain behind closed doors. Everyone has their ‘peckel’ (package) of problems. There are those of us who wear their problems on their lapels and there are those of us who hide them in the deepest recesses of our heart; however, one thing is for sure: we all have a peckel. These words may not relieve you of your problems and they may not heal your wounds; however, the realization that you have not been singled out by Hashem to live a Job-like existence in this world is (I believe) somewhat comforting. As long as we maintain a martyr’s attitude of: “no one has my Tzoras; no one has my issues”, we remain isolated and alone in our pain. However, if we open our eyes and our hearts and realize that everyone is suffering and everyone has pain and that Hashem has not picked us out of the bunch to visit on us special and underserved suffering we have taken the first step to healing. As long as we feel alone and abandoned we cannot heal and we cannot recover. However, although we may not be relieved of our suffering today; if we realize that we are not alone in our pain and affliction and there are others out there who are also pained, we have taken the first step in allowing ourselves to cope with our pain. When you go to the doctor and he gives you a small prick to test your blood it may hurt. However, since you know that everyone gets pricked at the doctor’s office and although you do not enjoy the prick the realization that this is the part of the healing process and everyone has to be part of it, allows you to bear it and take it in stride. In short, it allows you to cope with your pain. No one will be pricked and poked in this world more than the next person. This realization may not remove the pain, however, the recognition that there is an overall plan and that all of us have to pricked and poked as part of our general health, allows one to cope with the pain of the prick and makes it much more bearable. We are all suffering in this world. Sometimes more and sometimes less; however, we all suffer. You have not been singled out for greater suffering and you are not alone in your pain. If you are in pain today reach out to someone and share it, it can help you bear it. And if you are not in pain today reach out to someone who is and tell them they are not alone, tell them you are with them in their pain. After all is this not what Hashem Himself does with us: “I am with him in distress; I shall rescue him” (Tehillim 91:15) By making the person feel that you are with him, by making his know that he is not alone, you have taken the first step to rescuing him. Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, Rabbi, Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ
Posted on: Tue, 09 Jul 2013 15:28:26 +0000
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