There is something called Zimbabwe Global Initiative (ZGI) in our country. Did you know about it? Its Zimbabwean and its Global and its an Initiative. Initiative by who and for what purpose? Well,we are not told who these Global guys are but we want them to extend their ideas to other countries as well. What we do know, thanks to the Sunday Mail is that among other things , its job is to conduct opinion polls and so far we have good news from these global guys. Mugabe is simply the best, summarized The Sunday Mail. Here are the statistics, 85% of Zimbabweans approve of Mugabe and his government, 11% went to MDC-T leader Morgan Tsvangirai, 2% said the would vote for any other candidate (sorry Renewals you are rated any other together with all others) and 4% abstained. We are not sure whether it was a survey for rating of Mugabe or it was for voting pattens because the results are mixed up. Ok, take your calculators now, 85% + 11% + 2% + 4% = 102% of the population surveyed by Zimbabwe Global Initiative (ZGI), a first in the study of statistics to take 102% sample of the population. Meaning that these Global guys can actually tell the nation that the probability of someone voting for Mugabe = 7 more than 1! But why are we being told of these ratings now and who is the target? We know, its those within ZANU(PF) who are eying the Presidency. You have the right to loose hope fighting such a popular leader! But then this leader is popular because (a)our roads now have craters and not pot holes, (b)more than a million of poor children are out of school due to lack of government support when foreign NGOs withdrew funding, (c)unemployment is 90% (d)industry has collapsed (e)everything has come to a standstill. Because of all this, the President deserves 85% popularity isnt it? Wow. Now that its imminent that Mugabes Nikuv government has virtually collapsed the junta may need to dissolve all ministries except about 5. The first to be retained is the Ministry of Hunger, Disease and Chaos headed by Ignatious Chombo. This ministrys main task is to look at all things that are working and make sure they stop doing so. It has been doing a very good job of late from City Councils, transport, Education, Industry, Agriculture, Commerce etc. Any sign that there is still somewhere where things are doing ell, the junta must send Chombo to destroy, make sure people suffer from hunger and disease and then exploit them. We still have those at Chingwizi who still need more time of starvation. They have to chant ZANU(PF) slogans in order to get donations through Presidential schemes which President uses public funds to market his dirty name. The second Ministry is the Ministry of Propaganda headed by Weevil Baba Jukwa Jonathan Moyo. The task of this ministry is to tell us that everything is ok. For example if unemployment figures are 90% then we must be told that actually unemployment is 10%. The junta also tells the nation that the economy is doing well and everything is alright. Manufacturing of lies and promises will be the two main tasks. Where they fail, they tell us to wait for 45 years to enjoy the fruits.The Third Ministry is the ministry Fake Degrees where Dr Gucci Grace will be the person to head. Fourth we have the Ministry of Murder, Rape, Torture and Arson headed by Emmerson Mnangagwa. So far this ministry is doing very well. It has outperformed Apartheid South Africa but still fighting hard to beat the Genocide in Rwanda. Finally, the Ministry of Election Fraud is very necessary. This ministry has started working for 2018 but it must pass December 2014. It has made significant findings that Zimbabweans are very forgetful, they have been subjected to all suffering but the junta can tell people that MDC-T is the cause of their suffering. The year 2009 is quickly forgotten and replaced by the GNU era which we are told was hell. Come 2018, the junta will again buy baccossi and people will fall over each other to receive the goods and hail the donors as heroes. Mai (sorry Dr.)Mujuru says that she is not convinced by the reasons given about the cause of fire at her house. We are not so sure if she got our message. We said its Mnangagwa the crocodile. Says Mujuru “The Ruwa incident . . . that one is a confusing state of affairs because when I got there, the two houses had already been razed to the ground. I tried to find out from the young man who stays there.The story was not very convincing, so I thought to myself (to) leave everything to God.” No Mai (oops Dr) Mujuru, you leave it to Mnangagwa not God. The young man who stays at that house is desperate for cash like anybody else. So for just $10 000 he can see a snake and chase it with fire. He takes a matchstick and throws at the snake wherever it is hiding. The idea was to kill it with matchsticks . Eish.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Sep 2014 12:27:41 +0000
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