This is Hamza Abdullah. I want to share a story with you guys, but its long. Ill have to break it up into three parts…. I wrote this piece for the Number One magazine in America, Sports Illustrated, the day after my “Twitter Tirade,” November 1st 2012. It’s over 3500 Words, and they wanted to reduce it to 1500. I thanked them for their consideration, but I felt it had to be lengthy to get my point across. I sent it to my sister, and she told me to hold on to it for the introduction to a book. I took her advice, and started writing a book. Here is the Preface for my book. In Shaa Allah (God Willing)........ Its a little chillier than normal on this morning of the final day of October. The hoodie Im wearing, shouldnt attract too much attention, but will the baseball cap and sunglasses? I wear the cap to hide back the thoughts, and the glasses to hide the pain and tears of what Im about to do. I sit alone at a diner eating my morning oatmeal and drinking my orange juice. I have two high definition televisions in front of me. One is recapping the Boston Red Sox third championship in 10 years, and the other is talking about the Los Angeles Lakers coming back down to earth. I was born and raised in Los Angeles, so Im a diehard Lakers fan. Im usually worked up about a Lakers loss, but today, its the furthest thing from my mind. Today is all about the NFL. The National Football League. The league that I grew up dreaming of playing for. The league that was synonymous with being a tough guy. The league that I loved. After the Raiders left for Oakland in 1994 and the Rams for St. Louis that same year, I had a decision to make. My older brother Abbas, was a die hard San Francisco 49ers fan and my younger brother Husain was a Detroit Lions fan. My brothers told me, I had to have a team, if I were going to continue to watch the NFL. I chose the team, that always seemed to be playing both of my brothers teams. The Green Bay Packers. The Packers were a good team, but they just couldnt get pass the 49ers and Dallas Cowboys in the National Football Conference. I was a middle son, and in some ways, The Packers seemed like a middle son too. They werent the oldest, the Cowboys, who a few years earlier won back to back Super Bowls. And they werent the youngest, the 49ers, who had just won their first Super Bowl since going back to back in 88’ and 89’. The Packers were my team. I ran to the living room where our World Book Encyclopedias sat on a shelf. I grabbed the G Number 8 book, from the set of 22. I sat all day and studied and learned everything Packers. Brett Favre was the quarterback. I didnt understand why the ‘v’ was before the ‘r’, but as an 11 year old, I had bigger fish to fry. I had to find the star wide receiver I would emulate later that day, when we went out to play football in the street. While everyone was busy being Michael Irvin or Jerry Rice, I surprised everyone when I yelled Im Sterling Sharpe. Unbeknownst to everyone, admittedly even me, Sharpe was probably the best one. Later in that 1994 season, my favorite receiver would suffer a career ending neck injury. At the time, I didnt think about his 401k plan, Workers Compensation or his disability benefits. I didnt know then, what I know now, and now I wonder how difficult that time must have been for Sharpe. I say a prayer. I ask God to give me strength, peace and sincerity. I ask God If this is for me to do, then please make it easy for me. I wrote out exactly what I was going to say, and as I typed, I started getting a headache. I have never tweeted a curse word, and I rarely even said one. But today was different. I was about to unleash an unexpected barrage of tweets directed at the National Football League. I hadnt played in the NFL in almost two years. During this inactivity, I have come across a number of Retired or Former Players. I myself, have been getting the paperwork in the mail for Former Players, for about 18 months. I still had an urge to play, but it seemed as though that window was slowly closing. I have a number of friends who are also On the Street, so we talk frequently. Mostly keeping each other motivated, but also to talk about if that Call doesnt come. These guys are on the other side of 30, so the reality is, its probably over. So us Old Guys frequently talk about life after football and the proper steps to take. I have a great support system. I have a wife, who loves me and supports me. I have family members who are there 24/7. I have former college teammates who transitioned well. I have former NFL teammates, who have also transitioned well. I have a psychiatrist who I have been seeing off and on for three years. I have former coaches, who recently check in with me. I have brothers at the local Mosque who keep me in my Holy Book. I have children who keep me motivated. I have a former Marine sending me daily inspirational videos and quotes. (Thanks Coach Gabe). I have a brother in the NFL who keeps me abreast to whats going on in the Locker Room. I have people who frequently call me, text me, email me and send me a FaceBook message that says Youre in my prayers. All praises are due to God. I am blessed. I have things going for me. Ive been smart with my money. Im relatively healthy. Yet I still have bad days. I have days where I dont want to workout. I have days where Im unsure of what lies ahead. I have days where I dont feel like the husband, brother, father or son I should be. I have days that I question my ability to provide for my family. I hear the whispers. The negative whispers, that I seek refuge in God from. The ones that tell me how to make everything easy. How to put me out of my misery. If Im having these thoughts, Im sure others are as well. End of Part I
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 00:32:38 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015