This is precisely why nobody dates me. 25 reasons not to date a poet by Betty Generic! 1. If you date a poet everyone will think you are the jerk they are writing about. 2. You will be the jerk they are writing about. 3. They have deep conversations with Animals, Clouds, and Grecian Urns. 4. Excessive use of “poetry hands.” 5. Excessive abuse of “poetic licence.” 6. Excessive use of “melancholy. 7. Excessive use of “dramatic emphasis.” 8. All of their furniture are positioned around windows, for them to stare out for hours at a time. 9. Your parents will think they are possessed. 10. They are possessed. 11. You will lose all arguments, or feel so guilty from causing them more emotional pain, you will wish you had lost. 12. They will secretly judge your metaphors. 13. They carry a notebook everywhere and let everyone see it but you. 14. You will never know if they agree with you or are just following you down the rabbit hole to see how crazy you are. 15. They will visit other rabbit holes. 16. They can’t keep secrets. It will come out thinly veiled and mythologized in their poetry. 17. It takes a least a week to a year for them to form their opinion, and that opinion is subject to change, because they are always questioning themselves. 18. They don’t understand why if murder, rape, slavery, and genocide are illegal, then why is war legal? 19. They will make you empty out your head and heart like junk drawers and question everything in them. 20. They can not live without passion. 21. There will be drama. 22. They crave plot twists. 23. Their greatest fear is no will understand their allusions. 24. Their euphemisms will never measure up. 25. But the most important reason never to date a poet is that poetry is an addiction, and before you know it, you will be the addict in search of your next metaphoric hit of universal truth.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 19:20:42 +0000
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