Time is relative, its like the whole beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing... or one mans meat is another mans poison ... in the end it is really your own read of the data your brain processeses without even thinking about it. The electronic impulses that tell what we see, feel, touch, smell and hear. Today my time feels stretched long and thin. Though comparatively not old I feel like I have lived through several lifetimes. I have outlived so many friends, buried so many, I have seen my heroes age and crumble or cut down in their prime and sometimes now wonder what next? I keep writing songs, I do my daily routines and I see my hair get more white, my beard more white and think at least for myself ... lol... winter is coming My back I think makes me feel older than I am. It is getting better and I have accidently or intuitively changed my diet and find that it helps, there is a Gretsch drum kit in the garage now, and I find beating it up also helps with my posture so that also helps. New things, new distractions that on one hand seem like a new beginning but on the other checking off things on a bucket list. I find that I feel quite often that I am out of time or outside it, same as my social standing. No matter what I do to work my way in I find I tend to just pop out the other side, so to speak, and find myself back out on the fringe. Most of my life I have felt on the outside looking in. The only time I ever lose awareness is in moments of genuine love. Then I realise the bonds that I have, the things that give me reason... things like the purity of the laughter that I share with Joey, the unconscious and uninhibited joy over the most inane comments or observations. The oneness that is ours alone when all else is put aside... the unconditional love. Moments like when I am playing music and realise that I was totally immersed for a time and unaware of everything outside the song. When I consider my daughter and my son, who they are, what they have and will achieve. The unwanted pain that is a part of all lifes journeys balanced with the rapturous joys that balance it. When I look at my nieces and nephews and think of all that lays ahead then I feel an almost heady optimism. That I AM a part of things. That it is worth everything to feel those connections. Whatever I have lost be it love or sanity, honour or friends...whatever, I have found again. No matter what end, there is new beginning. I realise that winter is always followed by spring and so onwards ever onwards the seasons change. The sounds of traffic and birds outside my window become the rhythm and tunes of song, that I am a part of it and inspite of my own fears concerning mortality, that the song goes on. I have been and always will be a part of it.
Posted on: Mon, 02 Jun 2014 00:15:35 +0000
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