Whats Your Reality? Last weeks tip talked about using the enemy image process as the first step in responding to a broken agreement; to take a quick time out and confirm what needs of yours are not met by the broken agreement, and in doing so to translate any judgment you may be having about it. Now that youre thinking more clearly about the broken agreement, its important to check if you and the other person have a shared understanding of what the agreement was in the first place. John, my understanding was that you agreed to greet anyone who walks into the store right away by saying hello and asking if you could help them find anything. Yet, on several occasions this week Ive noticed customers at the front counter not being served for several minutes. Can you tell me whats been going on for you that has kept you from greeting customers more quickly? By stating your observation in this way, youre trying to bring out any assumptions and thereby confirm if you have a shared reality. And by asking him to help you understand his experience, you invite him to share the needs hes meeting with his current behavior (albeit in colloquial language). In this way your starting point is one of inquiry rather than finality, which is far more likely to ultimately lead to the behavior youd like. Divider Mindful Practice for the Week Continue your thought about a recent time that someone broke an agreement with you. How might a check in to see if you had the same understanding of your agreements changed the conversation?
Posted on: Sat, 27 Dec 2014 02:05:18 +0000