Wont make it to church today. Curt is hanging in there, but has had a more difficult time than previously. Kiya has an URI and is cranky. I am ok, but my mind does not want to quiet at night. Curt talks to me at night about meeting someone and how he wants to make sure that this new man is self sufficient and will not be financially or physically dependent on me. I guess its not surprising then that sleep is restless and does not come easily. BTW, I tell Curt that he is the man of dreams and I do not want anyone else. Sometimes, I feel like I cant stand this....I think I am going to crack wide open and not be able to put the pieces back together. Yet, I know, that because we love each other so that we have been gifted and blessed beyond measure. However, that understanding does not take away or lessen the grief and sorrow. The juxtaposition of gratitude and sorrow, constantly vieing for prominence in my emotional state of being. Within this emotional mix is Kiya. Wanting to give her a normal life and experiences. So much of her life has been surrounded by illness and suffering, hers and Curts. My mothers heart aches...trying to create as much normalcy away from home as possible. On a bright note, PP hospice is working to help me take Curt to a Broncos game. He has never been and I want to give that to him. Hopefully, between hospice and me we can make that happen. Even if he only can see one quarter. At this point, it takes so much energy to even leave the house. We will see. Have a wonderful day everyone. May love and laughter fill your hearts and souls.
Posted on: Sun, 31 Aug 2014 13:55:22 +0000