Yesterday, someone on FB posted what has to be one of the most disturbing and frankly ugly videos Ive ever seen. I dont have the link, I dont remember who shared it, I couldnt even watch all of it, but the bits I skimmed left me ... Im not sure theres a word for it. Its the dismay at discovering just how shallow another human can be. It was a selfie-video of a somewhat overweight young woman, with bleached blonde hair pulled up and behind, with lip piercings as well -- a little ring on each side of her lower lip. Not really a good look for her. But Ive seen worse, and I dont really have any judgments on her appearance except as it betrays whats going on inside.... Thats the horrific part. Her video begins with her stating that she sees no reason to get a job. The rest of the video is her justifications -- a job is beneath her, shes too important, shes too busy, she has too many interests, too many hobbies, too much other stuff to do, none of which she identified in the parts I saw before I decided this woman was no longer worth any more of my time. Look, I know what a busy person looks like, this wasnt it. A busy person doesnt waste time doing self-serving videos explaining and justifying being a taker. A busy person is out there making things happen and if he/she gets online, its to share the adventures of discovery and success, or the lessons of ambition and obstacles. This was not a busy person. Over here, what showed up for me was slovenly, lazy, self-absorbed, infantile, pig. Yes, thats the way I experienced her. If she wins the Nobel prize next year for her Grand Unified Field Theory, Ill publicly apologize, but right now, I want to slap her mothers face for letting her turn into this -- this awful thing. Yes, thats a judgment. Yes, its an arrogant judgment. But clearly, one thing was evident. This young woman was not taking even a moment to consider the effect her words might have on her viewers/listeners. Over here, the effect was repulsion. The young woman represented to me everything that an actualized human being would never want to say, do, or be. But let me take this a step further. The internet may yet turn out to be the greatest invention that human beings have ever created -- in particular, the greatest invention for social justice. Its a way for each and every one of us to be accessible to each and every one of us. Its a powerful medium for the creation of community in an age of alienation. It is a way to create true fellowship across the world. Yes, much of it is silly. Much of it is inane. Much of it is lies, falsehoods, misinterpretations, shit-stirring, and rabble-rousing. But equally so, much of it is beautiful, heartwarming, heartbreaking, inspiring, enlightening, amazing, joyous, and life-affirming. We get to share our happiness with our friends, we get to share our sorrows and condolences. We get to celebrate life. And in this great whirling confusion of voices, each of us has the opportunity to be known. The question is, how do you want to be known? I suppose theres a psychological term for people who construct an identity based on cultural, religious, spiritual, or other criteria. I think that most of us grow up without any real training in personal responsibility or even the nature of personal insight. (Hence, the popularity of human potential trainings.) But at the point at which a person becomes aware of the existence of other people and their feelings and begins to act so as to manipulate or create specific responses in others, then we see the branch in the developmental road between sociopathology and integration into a community. (Actually, I suspect theres some considerable overlap there, but never mind that for now.) We are surrounded by gurus, faux and otherwise, telling us to be ourselves. The problem is that most of us dont know who we really are -- and are we really being ourselves when we tailor our behavior to fit in? Referring back to that young woman above, I have to give her credit for being herself. But the self she was being was abhorrent and appalling. Is that who we would be if we were truly being ourselves? I hope not. And I dont think so. I think that in the process of constructing an identity, we learn that our identity cannot exist in a vacuum, its part of a vast web of relationships, and we learn (or train ourselves) how to operate in that web. Where we liberate ourselves is not through selfishness, but ownership. I put the word in quotation marks because its been over-used. When we recognize that we are the source of our relationships, the creator of our relationships, then we can choose what we want to create. We choose not to invest energy in THIS and instead invest energy in THAT. We sort, prioritize, keep, discard, and build a structure, based on the rewards and payoffs that work for us. If we have alienated ourselves from others, then we seek justification for it and we become self-righteous. If we enjoy others, we seek out the others who enhance our lives, we become contributors, we become givers. I say this from the inside -- over the years, I have sorted and chosen. Despair doesnt produce results. Hatred and resentment are painful. Laughter is a lot more fun. Hugs are great. Playing with the dog, sitting with my son, a party with friends -- these are the rewards. Much better than any amount of explanation. (In life, the explanation is the booby prize.) If you ask me, who are you? my answer will be, Im still finding out. Because I suspect the day I codify that answer, I will also be fossilizing it, imprisoning myself in an unchangeable identity. Pfeh. Who I am is the guy looking for the next discovery, the next adventure, the next big laugh.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 22:43:26 +0000
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