i always wondered why i was different. i couldnt understand it. i tried to be someone i was not comfortable with. i cried a lot and hid my true self. i was very sad. i wondered if i would ever be happy. i kept to myself. i never talked to anyone. i was all alone. i had very few friends. i had no one to talk to about my feelings. i ignored them. i felt very out of place. i pretended to be someone else. i tried to end my pain by hurting myself. i wanted to leave my body. i wasnt happy. i didnt know what happiness was. my mind was confused. my heart was broken. my soul was unfulfilled. i dreamed of better days. i prayed for help and understanding. i dressed the way i felt inside alone in secret. i was desperate. i was lost. i tried to find hope. i hated myself. i wanted to be set free. i longed to be understood. i was desiring love and acceptance. i wanted to be a girl. i was born a boy. i was hurting and miserable. i dreamed of wearing beautiful dresses. i became very shy. i isolated myself. i went for help. i quietly reflected. i tried to accept my situation. i really tried to live as a man. i studied hard. i worked hard. i lost my mom. i went for therapy. i tried to date. i finally met a girl. we dated. we eventually married. we had a beautiful son. i became a dad. we were thrilled. we celebrated. life was good. i thanked God for his wonderful blessings. i found love and acceptance. i began to understand. i came to accept. i was happy. we were a family. our son was the center of our life. we learned our son was autistic with epilepsy. we were heartbroken. he was our main concern. work became more stressful. our son was having his share of social difficulties. we sought doctors to help him. we went for parental support. i was trying to balance work, family, medical and housing situation. we rented, we tried to save. life was very difficult. we bought a house. our son was growing. my dad came to visit. our son loved playing with his grandpa. life became very busy. no time to think. pressure mounted. i started cross dressing again. i had the same feelings i had when i was a kid. i knew i was a girl. i dressed as a girl when i could in secret. i wanted to live as a girl. our son and his grandpa enjoyed being together. i buried my internal feelings and hid my struggle. i lost my dad. i lost a good friend. i had a breakdown. i went for help. i became depressed. i knew i wanted to live as a girl. i told my doctor and therapist. i was afraid to tell my family and my work. i had no choice. i had to tell. i could not go on anymore. i became accepting that i was transgender. i started my transition. i lost my job. i went into hospital. my family was concerned. i needed help. i told my doctors i wanted to live as a girl full time. this was the most difficult decision of my life. i really had no choice though. i was concerned for my wife and son and how it would affect them. i started hormones. i began to live my dream and became a woman full time. i became disabled and won disability claims. i am no longer working. i am living full time. my son is very accepting. my wife is quietly accepting. i now live as a woman. i am working on my voice. i wish to have surgery. i am that little girl i knew in my heart. i am happy. i am getting the help i need. i am blossoming. i am Emily. i still have feelings for Edward D Iannielli III. i love my wife and son. i always will. i am finally free to be me.
Posted on: Thu, 08 Jan 2015 07:17:04 +0000
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