#10579 This will be long, so feel free to skip this or just bear with it. So me and a friend found a strip of paper that read something like, You have found the secrets to happiness in singlehood. Please come up to the stage. in one of the armrests in AE-1 back in November. I joked with my friend a bit and it eventually led to me talking about how only someone who was broken on the inside would be truly happy in singlehood. Then he laughed and told me that what I said sounded like me. Thinking about, I think hes right. I AM broken on the inside. Ever since I fell in love with my best friend in high school and she broke me heart and nailed the pieces to her bulletin board, I havent felt an serious attraction to any girls. (On a side note, we made up. She even apologized about using me to complain about the guy she liked even after she shot me down, and continuously dragging and guilt tripping me back into her life whenever I tried to get some space between us.) Sure, I find some girls (or women, if you want to be politically correct) attractive in the sense of Eh, shes cute. or She has a nice personality. I think shes a really nice person., but I havent felt a single urge to get to know any girls better than friends. I know Im not gay either, because Im only physically and socially (if thats the right word?) attracted to females. I do have some female friends in Uni (or rather, had, since Im about done anyway), but other than that I havent really mixed around too much with any girls since high school. While some of them are really nice and my brain thinks I should go get to know them better, my heart just doesnt feel up to it. The warm pleasant feeling Ive come to associate with being with someone I really like or love just isnt there anymore. Once in awhile I read some sappy love story stuff by some other folks and I get a pulse, but other than that theres been nothing at all. Heck, when my parents or relatives ask how Im still single or talk about how I can invite my girlfriend over for holiday dinners and the such, I just grin and laugh it off. These days I honestly feel that I would rather stay home and help take care of my niece and nephews than go out dating or meeting girls. So, Ive come to the conclusion that Im essentially a Nobody. I have no Heart and I cant feel love anymore. The kicker about being broken on the inside? I think about being a broken individual on the inside and my answer is a resounding Meh. ... Maybe I just need to meet the right girl whos willing to take the time to get through my barriers and jumpstart my heart again. That might be unlikely though, given that Im dense as all hell and incapable of realizing when a girl has all but asked me to be her boyfriend. Just an example of my adventures as a Dense Motha Farka: 1) A girl asked me to kiss her when we were alone, I asked her why when she should be saving that for someone she really liked. Nothing happened after that, though she did keep trying for almost a year to get me to respond how she wanted. The twist? I liked her too, but I sincerely thought she was joking about the kiss thing. 2) A friend of mine told me, You should go out with X.. Some time later, X tells me, I think youre cute. Wed be a great couple, dont you think so too?. My reply? Oh, I guess we would. We do get along well. She too tried to get me to ask her out for months, but I didnt notice. That and this was a year after my heart got broken. I probably have more tales of my adventures but that my friends, is a story for another time. Take care everyone, watch out for dense guys like me who inadvertently turn down you ladies and have a happy holiday. :D
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 04:17:27 +0000