#14 In the next few days oko lomntwana ehlala nomama ka Siya, mna ndivuke ndiye eskolweni then ndibuye ndenze my school work ogqiba ndijonge lomntwana osoloko elambile. Ndimncancise ogqiba ndimbuyisele kumakhulu wakho then ndijonge ezinye izinto, abuye uSiya then Mila ayohlala kutata wakhe. That was basically our life for a month or so, bendingamaz tuu umntanam and bekunzima nyan ukumthanda, bond with him and connect. Even when breastfeeding him, I couldnt wait for him to finish so that azothathwa ngomnye umntu, cos xa encanca wayevele andijonge apha emehlweni and I couldnt look back at him. After a month uMama had to go back home, andaz wayeyitsale njani i-leave yenyanga yonke emsebenzini wakhe. Anyway she had to go home and one weekend uSiya wamgodusa wabe ezobuya nalentombi ezogcina umntwana. Phofu njengoba ndingahambi mna, ndandizoshiyeka nalo mntwana, yho zazinga ndichazi ncam ke ezondaba ngoku ndizomthini mna lomntu kuba uzobe ekhala apha and ashiyekele mna ndodwa for ukumhlambam ukumtshintsha, ukumtyisa and all that :-/ The night before bahambe, Siya and I were in bed, bekukubi shame emtshatweni wethu because of this whole thing, Siya besoloko endithethela ngento yoba umntwana ndingamthandi Siya Lisa ndicela uhoye umntwana wethu please Me its not like I have any other choice Siya yho you say it as though awufuni, phofu awufuni ndathula kemna can I ask you something? Me sure Siya andithi uthi wakhula ungalaz uthando lwabazali? Me ewe so? Siya so ufuna nowethu umntwana akhule kanjalo? You know how painful it is and now you want to pass it on to our son Me Siya khawume tana, I do take care of our son mos Siya yes but do you love him? Me can I sleep now? He sighed out loud Siya fine ndaguquka ndalala and naye he faced the other side. Bavuka ekseni the following day, bakhawuleza balungisa and they left, ndabe ndiyaleziwe ba ndihoye umntana and if ndinengxaki I should call. After they were gone, I cleaned the house kwakhala umoya, wavuka uMilani and I went to take him, I changed his nappy kuqala then I breastfed him waright ogqiba ndamhlamba then ndambeka pha wahlala wancokola indaba zakhe. Ndahlamba nam then ndayozenzela ukutya ogqiba ndayohlala elounge. When I was done eating, I washed my dishes then ndayothatha umntwana elounge, sahlala nje sobabini kungekho nto. I received a call from Liandri, after that day when I went into labour at school, we spoke and I apologized for my bad behavior, wandixolela and we were back to being friends again. She told me she wants to come over so I gave her directions. 30 minutes later she and her mom walked into my house, Mila was still awake kuba akalali ke lomntwana shame. Wamthatha umama ka Liandri Her he is so beautiful, looks exactly like his mother I smiled Me thanks mom I looked down Her whats wrong Lisa? I kept quiet and looked at Liandri Her Liandri told me about your problem Me what problem is that? Her how you cant connect with your baby Me oh Her its called post natal depression Me whats that? Her being a new mom, a baby, a wife and a student can be very overwhelming Lisa, everything happened so fast so youre feeling out of place...its a common thing in new mothers, to feel so overwhelmed by mother hood that they cant connect or bond with their new borns, its called PND Me so what can I do? Her you can get professional help Me what kind? Her you can see someone Me like a shrink? Her yes she will be able to help deal with your anxieties and feelings then you can be able to love your baby I was thoughtful for a moment Me can you recommend someone? Her of course I sighed, there was hope, I could finally love my little boy and give him all that I never had. On Sunday evening Siya came back, sabe sihleli elounge no Mila. Wangena ephethe iplastics zakhwa woolworths and I knew uthengele umntwana and went crazy like he always does. He smiled xa engena, wabe elandelwa yilentombi. She was short and dark but emhle wethu. USiya wazothatha umntwana and kissed my forehead Siya hello boy boy, kunini ndikukhumbula wena...he was kissing him all over Her molweni sisi she was way older than me, ndabe ndimbona wothukile ngoba Im sure wayengalindelanga ufika emntwini omncinci kanje ngam Me hello unjani? Her ndiphilile kunjan kuwe? Me Im good Siya oh baby ngu Ntombizakhe lo kodwa uthanda ubizwa ngoZak wajika bancumelana, I raised my eyebrow Me nice meeting you Zak Zak likewise Mrs Williams..... I was sitting at the lounge while Siya was showing her around the house and what to do. They got along really well, talking and giggling the whole time. Babuya bazohlala elounge and started bonding over my son, bemdlalisa, engasahleki uMila and my heart sank ngoku ndibajongileyo. My baby was happy and smiling. I got up and walked to our room, ndakhulula ndangena ezingubeni and I cried.... Maybe I wasnt cut out for this mother and wife thing...Siya seemed happy with Zak and his son, thats all I wanted, for them to be happy and its obvious that mna ndiyohluleka kuba nako ngoku hes already playing happy families with the nanny. I could here them still laughing happily. Bazomoshwa sisikhalo sika Mila. Ndayiqonda ba uzoziswa kum so I wiped my tears and sat up. I sat up and Siya walked in, wazondinika, ndamthatha and he smiled, kwaphela nezonyembezi Siya he missed you I looked up at him hey baby are you okay? Me yeah Im fine Siya ingathi ubukhala njena Me no Ill be fine really ndancancisa umntwana and Siya sat next to me I spoke to Liandris mom on Friday Siya about? Me this whole thing, she says it post natal depression and she knows someone who can help me Siya thats great baby, the sooner you bond with our son the better Me yeah I suppose ndajonga ubhabha, bevele ancume xa ndimjongile and I couldnt help but smile too when I looked at him Siya its all going to get better baby va I nodded and he kissed my lips I love you Me I love you too....it felt so good to hear him say that, ndagqibela kudala ukumva esitsho kum lonto
Posted on: Sat, 11 Oct 2014 09:28:15 +0000
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