A post from Aunt Amy. As I was praying over my little boy today, as we celebrate his 7th birthday I was reminded of something. As I prayed more about it, it made me realize that you all may have been, or be in a similar place, in life, in your prayer life, in your walk with Christ. I want to again express, I am not a mom of a suicidal child, I do not know the depths of that pain, the despair, or the heart ache. I can only share with you what I have personally seen, dealt with and feel God laying on my heart. On Phins birthday every year, I am reminded of where I was before the the backwards tie picture. I was controlling. I was bossy. I had an agenda and Phins ideas did not fit into it. It was sad. It is sad to even type it but it was true. Phin has had a mind of his own since he came out of the womb, but it wasnt until I cried and cried during this tie session at the age of 2 that it finally hit me. I had to learn how to embrace him, not change him. I had to love him, not critique him. I had to be his cheerleader not point out his flaws. My pastor had told me some powerful words, but they didnt sink in until Phin. He said The world will beat your kids up enough, all you need to do is love them - Kirk Strand. What I realized in that moment was that I was beating him up, not physically, but with my agenda of what he should do, be like, and how he should act, with my words. My first born, was so much like me, it was easy to parent her. It was easy to love her. It was easy to understand her. Phin took me for a loop. One day the words came out of my mouth that I didnt know existed. As I was praying out loud I said Lord, teach me how to love Phin It changed my life. {If no one has ever suggested for you to pray out loud, let me. Pray out loud for two reasons. One you hear your heart. Two, satan can not hear your silent prayers, but he can heart your voice.} Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life ---- What I didnt realize is that I didnt know how to show him love, I knew how to love him, but I couldnt get it from me to his heart. I thought I did, I thought I would love him like I love my first born, or how I needed to be loved. But what God showed me in that instant is that everyone is different. I regretfully had waisted 2 years of being Phins mom not knowing how to fully fully embrace him. I say regretfully lightly, I used to beat my self up, but now I let it serve as a reminder, and any chance I can to share it I do. Like today! After the session was over. He cried, I cried, he was upstairs eating the candy I didnt feel like he had deserved, until I was looking at the pictures closely, I went up and asked him... Phin, why did you want to wear the tie backwards? Instead of asking him, Why didnt you listen? His answer was simple. I wanted a cape not a tie Of corse he did. Why would he want to wear a tie... In the heat of the session moment it didnt make sense to me, because I hadnt asked him, I was too busy with my agenda and my vision. I realized that day that the things my kids did, did not need to make sense to me in order for me to validate them. I was his mom, I need to validate that what ever he is feeling, thinking, doing, and it doesnt have to have my stamp of approval. Looking back, I believed that if it did make sense to me, I could understand him better. Rather than just being ok with it. I am happy to say that today. On Phins 7th Birthday, God has answered that prayer. The prayer of Teach me how to love him It is called, listening, accepting, patience, believing in him, and more patience. I had to let go of my ideas and my agenda, let him lead and me proudly march behind believing in him regardless if I get it or not. I know he is 7, and when you or your children were 7 you never thought you would be where you are today. But I believe that God laid this on my heart to encourage you all to ask God, how to Love, how to support, how to be the parent that your child needs. One of my favorite quotes is God doesnt call the equipped, He equips the called God called you to parent your child. If he called you to it, he will get you through it. 1 Corinthians 13:8 Love never fails 1 Corinthians 13:13 The three most important things to have are faith, hope and love. But the greatest of them is love.
Posted on: Mon, 17 Nov 2014 16:04:34 +0000
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