A totally unfabricated story. I was sitting in my office one afternoon about 3 pm. working on reports when I leaned across my desk to hit a key on the adding machine. I felt a slight pain on my left side just above my belt. Paid no attention to it but noticed every time I leaned forward it hurt again and a little worse. Soon I couldnt lean over or get back up.. I was hurting so bad I became nauseated. Thinking I had pulled a muscle I told Shelby, That was my secretary that I was going home because I didnt feel good. Okay she say, hope you get better. I go to my car, fire it up and head for the exit of our parking lot. Cant make it. Circle around and park in front of the DPS Bldg. Call Shelby and tell her Ive really messed up my back and could she take me to the ER.She says okay and driver her car to the front next to my car. (Actually it was my truck) These flash-backs still cause memory loss. She watches me get into her car while Im bent at a 90 degree angle from the waist. We get to the ER. I do a darn good impression of a human trying to walk. Probably like the Cro_Magnon missing link now that I think back on it. The ER. doc looks up and says ah-ha the old kidney stone shuffle. I knew the fool was wrong immediately. This pain is in my back not my kidney, idiot !! They convince me I need to lie down on a gurney and continue to examine me. Ten the doc says hes gonna give me a muscle relaxer that may relax my uther-something tubes and allow the stone to pass. Fool, its my back!!So I allow them to inject me and almost immediately I feel better, I mean really capital. Then they tell me theyre taking me down to X-Ray for a picture of my uraisan tubes. I thinks that whut they called it. I just had a hypo remember. So this dude wheels me into the EX-LAX Ray room. I know now thats not the name of it. But remember that little hypo. And exlax comes into play later. Im laying there waiting for orders when this moron tells hop off the table now. Since I couldnt hop I did the ol tuck and roll. Right to the floor with a WHAP. He wheels around and says dang man or you okay, or you hurt? Ive got this goofy hypo grin on my face and say probably. At the time I didnt feel anything. THEN this MENTAL MIDGET gets me up to a standing position cause since the hypo, I can straighten up. He steers me to the exlax machine and go like a zombie in whichever direction he tells me to. He says hold on to these two rails and pull yourself snug against this plate okay? I got her I say. He steps behind his shield that protects him from harmles exlax rays He says okay, I like it when they say BE STILL, DONT MOVE like their gonna kick my but if I do. I cant tell you why but I started giggling, and when I did he was still commanding me DONT MOVE, BE STILL I lost my grip on the rails and dropped it like it was hot. I heard it when he pulled the trigger on the exlax machine and grinned and thought peckerwood missed me and got more tickled. He realized I wasnt there came out and saw me in the lotus position on the floor and panicked. Next words out of his mouth were did you get a hypo I really dont know what he called it cause Is just had a hypo. Anyway I said i got a shot if thats what you mean. He said oh gosh man get back up here on the gurney and well do it up here. I dont know where he got this we from. Every time he tried to pick me up I felt like an octopus loose arms and all. I gotta hand it to him, he got me on the table. Did his exlaxing and got me back to the ER. Yep, the doctor says when the rays come up. Its a really big kidney stone. Fools they still dont know. Im going somewhere else soons I get out of here. So they set me up with a urologist I guess. From that moment on I dont remember how I got home or my truck got home either. But I did figure out why its called the ex-lax room Cause when I tucked and rolled off that gurney, I should have had on an Attends. One last note, after they laid me on a pad filled with water at the hospital two days later. Then sonared me and my Big Kidney stone to beak it up I remember laying in bed in one of those gowns they humble you with to get even with you for some patient who was a jerk before you, I realized I was Al-fresco, no panties. I was alone in my room so I wasnt too concerned. Then immediately this really pretty nurse comes in and says alright Mr Sellers we need a urine sample Well okay, I say, what are we looking for. I just got done being put under for that sonar trick remember. She says its to check for blood and etc.. She didnt fool me, I went to school in Sagerton, Texas, I know all about etc She leads me to the bathroom, I couldnt get her to take a bath with me so I just pee-ed in the glass bottle turned around to open the door and she was standing there grinning. I raised the glass, it was tinted pink, yep, defiantly bloody she takes it from me still grinning and leads back to bed where she tucks me in alone, durn the luck. I say why did you leave the door open, I had not place to go, still trying to be cool you know. just wanted to be sure you didnt fall. Fall!!! I says heck Im fine now. When I awoke next, my wife and a few others were in my room. I tell them I need to go to the toilet, everybody look away cause I got no undies on.I start to get up look down and Im wearing my underwear. Now I know what that pretty little nurse meant when she said ETC
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 21:01:29 +0000
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