Alright I must say something and let me get it off my chest and be honest. I am a nice person with a sincere heart. But I find it so hard to find good friends. Truth is its hard for me to open up to people. A lot of that has to do with my past experiences and insecurities. So I was born with something called Venous Malformation, its a condition where blood vessels in the body may swell up and clot. This condition can be found on the right side of my face. It has been the very thing that has kept me from living a full life. It kept me from maintaining friendships and only very few friends. Because I always felt like my friends would talk about me behind my back. So I kept my circle small only trusting in one or two people as my friend. This worked for me for awhile however, Im still not living a full life. I became entrenched in my work and aspirations and I hoped my accomplishments would hide the scars. But it didnt, it expose them even more. So I tried to avoid them altogether but my social life, my emotional wellness, and confidence suffered the most. Now Im 29 years old with degrees but no true circle of friendships. To share these things with. Im so use to living with these insecurities that now I dont know how to rid myself of them. I tried reconstructive surgery but the doctor told me I could lose my vision. I even lost weight only to substitute for the areas I was lacking. Now Im in the maze of running away from something I cant get away from. That something is myself. So yea Im definitely not there yet. But if you ever thought I wasnt a good friend or friendly trust and know that its not you its me. Im a working progress but those were the cards I was dealt.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 01:03:44 +0000
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