Another year has gone by and today our Sweet William would have been 4 years old! Hard to believe it. Time is going by so fast. I wonder all the time what he would look like today. A really cool thing that happened is that I heard about this wonderful couple from the person that did our home study about a couple in Orlando who had adopted twin boys. There was a story on the news about them and telling about their beautiful story. I reached out caroline Tiell . just to say Hi only to find out that her two twin boys were born on the same day as our William and the same year. 11/9/09. So I love to see when she adds pictures of them so that I can see what could have been. The first picture is of her sons and I want to wish them a happy birthday!!!! This time 4 years ago I didnt even know about William. I didnt know about how our lives were going to cross. I was praying every day however that we were going to get the call. We were approved to adopt and we were just waiting. Every day felt so long and every time the phone rang I kept hoping it was our case work. Not knowing it but a beautiful baby boy was born on the down streets of Nashville. He had a terrible difficult delivery. He had a rough start and as we slept that night a mother gave birth; our worlds about to collide together. On November 10th I get the call. We have a baby and this will pretty much be a done deal that you will be able to adopt him. We were so excited! I was jumping up and down. Todd was at work when we got the call. He went running down the hall at work telling them at work he was going to get to pick up his new son. That night I went and spent over 500.00 at Wal-Mart getting all his bedding, clothes and baby toys. December 11th, we can bring him to you and I said no we want to pick him up from the hospital. We were too excited to wait. So off we went to Vanderbilt hospital to pick up our new baby boy. I remember driving to the hospital looking up at the hospital as we get closer thinking our new son is in there. I might not have carried him for 9 months but that year of classes and approval and waiting and wondering when you will get the call kind of feels the same. You dream just like you do when you are pregnant. Wondering when it will happen, what will they look like, boy or girl? So here was our moment. They let me go back to the infant room and out he came with this nurse and I instantly fell in love. He had such a beautiful brown skin and black hair. I changed him into his new outfit that was way too big for him and off we went for what we thought would be a beginning of years of happiness. That was not to be. However, instead we were given 58 days of joy and happiness before the storm began. Those 58 days he had Thanksgiving with both sides of the family. He had 5 different Christmas celebrations with family. He was able to celebrate our wedding anniversary with us and Rebekahs 2nd birthday. So there was a lot of joy and good times during the 58 days. The first month of his life I slept in his room just to make sure he was ok. The baby monitor wasnt enough. He was hugged and kissed 100 times a day. I loved to rub my cheek to his cheek. and nose to his nose. I held him all the time. I hardly ever put him down. I miss him so much and I miss what could have been. I miss that we are not having a birthday party today. I just miss him. Our lives have never been the same. So much happened after that 58th day. The following days after was a pain that I can never ever clearly describe or the pain that still hits me every once in awhile. I know some people get mad when they are grieving and someone says with time it does make it easier. I have to agree with that, it does get easier because in those days after you never smile, you never feel joy or happiness, you feel numb and ache to your soul. You shake with grief and disbelief. You think at that time that life will never be the same again and that part is right. However, with time you do get better and you do start healing. You do eventually laugh again and you do start having new dreams and joy. God has since blessed us with another beautiful boy that has brought so much joy in our hearts. There are many wonderful days since then. However, I will say that for the rest of your our lives there will always be the ache of what we are missing, our William. His official name once he was adopted would have been Elijah William Green. So with that; Happy Birthday our sweet Elija William Green. We love you so much. We do ache for you and miss you. I do know you will be waiting for us in heaven because you do know how much you were loved and cared for and wanted. You were so wanted by us. We do miss you every day. There is always going to be that missing piece and that is you sweet baby boy. I always sang you are my sunshine to you and now when I sing it to my Rebekah and Kamdyn there is never a time I sing it to them that I dont think of you. You were loved and you were chosen. Happy 4th birthday sweet baby boy! We will continue to tell your story. We will always help others in your name. We will always encourage others to go out and adopt so that can be blessed by a beautiful baby boy just like you who needs a forever home. Until the day I die I will share the story of my first son, Elijah William. Thank you for those wonderful 58 days.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 06:48:46 +0000
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