By Craig L - October 5, 2013 As I type this review, Im on the toilet, surrounded by my dearest family and friends and a priest. Im not exactly sure whether this is an exorcism or if Im getting my last rites read to me. This very well could be my final crowning moment. I may never make it back to my feet. What a way to go. Will I go out by suffocating in a toxic byproduct stench? Will I croak from my body expelling all essential nutrients for life? Is this the apacolypse? What is occurring in my body right now may only be explained with the final 20 minutes of the movie Independence Day. The sweet gummy bears that I thought I had chewed and swallowed have now resurrected inside my bowels with a vengeance. The only thing that I can imagine they are doing is s***ting inside my digestive tract. Decomposed zombie gummy bear s***. This cant be all my s***. Theres no way. Thats not my s***. Thats s*** from a supernatural entity living inside me. Literally nothing Ive eaten in a dozen years could possibly turn my ass into a to-scale model of Mt. St. Helens, violently spewing what smells like a public bus filled with homeless people with fresh perms, in Mexico City at such a cyclic rate, that Im worried the war veteran below me thinks hes storming Normandy again. Shame on everyone who handled these bears before they made it to me. Shame on Amazon for making theses available for purchase. Shame on the guy in the warehouse who packaged this for shipment. Shame on the UPS guy for bringing this to my door. You all knew. I know you knew, and you knew Id know. And you still let me do this to myself. Shame on you! My last hope now is that the force of gas propelling from my anus may be strong enough to disturb Satan himself in hell. And that he is so angered by this that he sends an entire fleet of brave minions to come up through the toilet and put me out of my misery. amazon/gp/aw/d/B000EVQWKC/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1384989767&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70
Posted on: Wed, 20 Nov 2013 23:29:11 +0000
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