Closure, Psycho Babble, Ashes and the Source I am speaking for just myself. I am not speaking about your loss, nor am I telling you what to think or how to feel. It has been seven years since my wife died. I thought about suicide and was totally incapacitated for 6 of the last 7 years. About a year ago, I came to and awoke from my fog/haze/coma. I decided to start living and loving life again. I was extremely happy this morning thinking I am “over it” finally and ready to move forward. I decided it was time to spread my wife’s ashes at the beach. So I went to the beach but it was full. I didn’t feel comfortable spreading her ashes in front of everyone. I drove back up the road to the bridge over the intercostal waterway. I stopped my car where you aren’t supposed to stop, and asked the bridge operator if I could park for a couple of minutes to spread my wife’s ashes. He said sure. I said, “I wanted to spread them at the beach but there are too many people there.” He said, “Well, do you want them to go out into the Gulf?” “Sure,” I said. “Well, the currents are very powerful here and will carry her right out.” Wow, perfect I thought. This is even better. I twisted the top of the urn off. Suddenly my happiness evaporated. I became aware instantly of just how profoundly I still miss her and how deep the wound still is. Then something I didn’t anticipate happened. As I began pouring her ashes from her urn the hard ashes fell right to the strong currents below, but the light, soft ash formed a wonderful, whirling, dancing grey cloud and lingered there for some time right before me. It was like she was saying, “This is beautiful, and I am waiting for you my, Love. I began to cry uncontrollably. It was so beautiful I just couldn’t stop crying. “Closure” is myth. It is just more psychobabble that “professionals” made up to sound like they know what they are talking about and to be able to charge you for your suffering and their “healing services.” There is no closure for the ones you truly love and lose. There is progress but never closure. The wound grows smaller but never fully heals. She will always be with me, and I will be wounded forever until I see her again by the grace of God. Yes, I will always be wounded, but it won’t stop me from living and loving again. And why should my suffering be a bad thing? I have learned from my suffering and pain, and suffering and pain are a sacred part of our lives and integral to our journey here and touches all of us. It gives us wisdom and sensitivity and depth. I choose to embrace my wound and live more fully every day until I, too, return to the Source. I hope to see you there. Thomas
Posted on: Mon, 15 Sep 2014 19:30:06 +0000
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