#Confess 4037 I want to pour my heart out im very depressed.. im not looking fr advices becoz they wont help me anymore .. this is going to b long one coz im going to address my life , sry fr it .. I was a very decent grl grm strting not at all involved in guys becoz I nva wantd to hurt my mom. I love her a lot . der ws a guy in my school bus 2 years eldr to m . having a gud humour I usd to impress guys vry quickly so was tat guy carried by me .. bt he ws nt tat muc gud luking infct below average bt looks nva mattered to m .bt I kind of felt a vry different connection wit hym . something attracted m towrds him . aftr 3 years of his passing out frm my school he encountered m one day . we had a nrml 2 mins convo n I told him tat m on fb .. nxt day I got his request n we strtd talking .. slowly slowly whn it turnd into love I dont evn hav idea . thn one day I came to noe tat he had crush over m frm past 3 years .. he ws also a decent guy ,shy one actually .. thn v strtd meeting each othr infrnt of his house as resided in d nxt street to my house . its a colony actually n people ovr here are so damn narrow minded . humari meetings sabh logo ki gossip ka topic bann gai . frm my side it ws nly frndship mai bhaiya bolti ti I nva had it fr him in strting .. muje characterless bolne lag gae sab n jb tak muje ye pata chala tb tak bahut der ho chuki ti .. he came to my house 2-3 times as my muma new him .. bt my paa ws unknown to our frndship . one day he caught us together having a walk in some street .. my paa was on bike or unhone peeche s aake bike hum pr chada di . my bf got his leg sprained . vo nichre utre unhone road p muje thappad marna shuru kr dia thn unhone usse maara he ws abut to hit him wit a brick unko kick kia road p . thn he said m ki ghr chl batata hu .. I ws hit by belts . muje ek ghante tak maarte rae mre tummy mei kick kia n wht nt .. I ws bleeding .. no one stopped him .. I cannot become a mother nw . uske baad whneva he used to get a chance on ny thing evn a pity reasn he used to hit m . unhone muje bat s maara hath p kuki I ws listening to songs n mai apne bhai ko fon ni deri ti .. muje uss wqt samaj ni aya kuki mai to bhaiya jaise bannde k Sath ghum rai ti .. uske baad ek or bar ye hua unhe mra fon wapas krna ta n my dad saw us uske baad vo muje ghr lae or maarte rahe bt this time I dint groan at all becoz I ws used to it .. bt it ws fr lst tym nw mai frustrat ho chuki ti mai jo kuc kar hi ni ri ti uska blame muje milra ta so I decided ki lets do it thn , its worth getting accused thn .. I came into relationship wit him whn I ws just 14 I ws forced to do it . ek 14 saal ki bachi itni mature ni hoti atleast mai ni ti to undrstand the cheap mentality of this shit wrld .. ki do ladke ladki itni choti umar k ko itna galat lia jaega .. bt he ws vry nice wit me .. we came out with lovely names of each othr .. vansh frm my name n mann frm his .. tat makes vanshmann togeth .. I ws so hapy wit him .. roz milna ghumna .. vo pure dinn ka tym hota ta jb mere face p smile aati ti .. I noe u people must b frustrated by nw bt I just want to vent out all tat is bottled up in m .. aftr 3 months of our relationship we kissed each othr . mai kisi ladke ko tuch ni krne deti ti n I kissed .. mai unse iss tym tak itna pyar krne lagi ti ki I cud allow fr nythin .. slowly slowly humari limits toot ti gai n v did evrything within a year .. bt 6 mahine baad hi humare beech probs aane lagi ti .. mai unse dur ni reh paati ti coz he ws d only one in ma lyf. vo apni nani k ya jaate te or jaake bahane banate te ki kl aunga kl aunga n he nva used to show up . mai unn pr bahut dependent ho gai ti .n aftr wht happnd wit m I needed him to b wit m .. ek din maine unhe dhamki deke bula lia ki mai hurt kr lungi vo ni aana chate te bt zabardasti aana pada . uss din k baad unka behavior change ho gya .. he wantd to clear nda vo august mei uski coaching jaane lage mre lie bahut diffcult tym ta ye kuki vo suba 8 oklok k gae 6 oklok sham ko aate te. mera skul jana bannd ho gya ta I dint feel lyk going . mri bbf frm past 10 years muje chodke hostel chli gai bina infrm kare .i cudnt see her one lst tym .. evrything ws just making m helpless .. vo nda ka raag gaane lage ki he cannot meet m coz he has to prepare fr nda . he was iritatd roz roz milne s .. he dint hav mny to spnd on m .. August n septmbr nikl gya unke excuses sunte sunte .. nov mei 5 days he wa free bt dint wantd to meet m giving excuses ki he has no mny to go out . yr agr hum bahar jate hai to paise to chaiye hi mri demand ni ti ye . we wer skul kids pocket mny jaldi khtm ho jati ti .. thn unka ek naya excuse aa gya na milne ka ki cpt ki tayari krni hai hes nt free nov dec nikl gya .. jan mei mre xams te fir march mei unhe improvemnt papr dena ta to feb mei he kept on excusing on Dis thing ..uske baad march mei humara daily milna negotiate ho hoke week mei ek baar ho chuka ta . unka intrstd chala sa gya ta . vo mujpr chillane lagte ghussa karne lagte . ambience mei sabke samne he shouted at m fr 10 mins . muje mre parents ko abuse kr dete .. he new mai dar jati hu chillane p still vo shout krte rete .. bt I loved him so muc mai roti or unke paas wapas chali jati I had no one else .. muje rulana jaan buj k kuc aisa hurting kena .. pehle ladaiya hoti ti vo sry bol dete te bt ab unka sry bolna b bannd ho gya .. since past 4 months its feeling lyk a big mistake I hav ruined evrything fr a guy jo mujse ab bore ho chuka hai . ab vo apne du College ka bahana dete hai . pichle 4 month I am in depression do teen dinn tak mre paet mei kuc ni jaata hes nt concerned . ghr p sab theek hai bt jeene ki aas ni hai ab . jiske lie mai itni badnaam ho gai vo muje aise chodh raha hai . har pal mar rahi hu mai . mai unke bina bilkul ni reh sakti I lov hym alot . pehle ladai hoti ti sort out ho jati ti .. bt ab mai sacrifice kr krke pagal ho gai hu .. mai unka tym chati hu taki mai theek ho pau bt hes nt ready to take his colleges leave . pure din room mei padi reke roti reti hu .. maine kaha unhe ki mri body p vo nishan bhul gae jo maine lie te toh he replied ki maine ni kaha ta . vo har pal muje rulate hai jaan booj k . he has said rena hai to mri terms p raho verna mat raho . bt I cannot leave him I feel disgusted I feel helpless . bar bar vo muje bezti krke dur kr dete hai pr mai wapas unke paas besharmo ki tara chali jati hu wht shud I do I dont hav ny othr choice . he uses my body acts so sweet at tat tym n agle hi dinn ladai . n I get used becoz tat is d only tym whn I cn feel my manns presence .. pls ye post kr dena I vil feel relieved . I noe bahuttt lamba hai bt mai apni conditions express b ni kr paari . I just feel lyk dyiing . har pal unka ghussa . I miss my good old days I miss my mann .. vanshmann are dead nw .. #JaCk
Posted on: Fri, 18 Jul 2014 18:16:29 +0000
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