Counselors, mental health professionals and pop psychologists are famous for telling us to have more self-esteem. Parents are encouraged to boost self-esteem in their children through positive reinforcement, praise and unconditional love. (good things all but it is an illusion that this builds self-esteem. Too much praise can be disingenuous and make a child suspicious of what is wrong with her that her parents have to work so hard shoring her up.) But Im here today to tell you a secret - THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SELF ESTEEM. You cant hold self-esteem in your hand. You cant put it in a wheelbarrow. Self-esteem is NOT a thing. It is an action. (Its a verb and not a noun.) Having self-esteem is digital, either high or low. (and having low self-esteem is itself a judgment that is shaming and counterproductive) Doing self-esteem (esteeming oneself) has more possibilities, we can be doing it by degrees in any given moment. It gives us choices as to how much we are going to esteem ourselves. This is a long but beautiful article by an author who grew up different from others. It has a lot of pain in it. But the last paragraph is worth savoring when he finally learns to esteem himself rather than depend upon others for validation. Parents, love and praise your children. But teach them. Teach them to move from external validation to self-validation. Teach them about the power they have within them to choose how they view themselves and how they carry themselves and how they will treat themselves. Teach them, that esteeming oneself, is always something we can all do.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 14:00:02 +0000
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