Dear Santa, just a short note to let you know that I received your letter last week. You brought up several very interesting points. I will touch on a few of them later in this letter, but first I must say that I am very excited for Christmas this year. I am finding it difficult to concentrate at work and on Pet Rescue. I just can’t keep the little black sports car we discussed last year from invading my thoughts. I can actually hear the motor race; feel the gearshift in my hand and the wind blowing by the lonely single hair that is left on my head. WOW, WHAT A RIDE, WHAT A FEELING! That would be so cool! As you might have guessed, I am very fond of going fast and the exhilaration and sensation of flight. This leads me to the second item on my list. I have been thinking about taking up another hobby. You’re not going to believe this; I have found an experimental airplane kit on the internet for only $45,999.73. “Yeah I know, you’re probably as surprised as I am! Anyway, this beauty seats four and will slice through the air at a crisp 200 MPH. It has a 29 foot wingspan so I haven’t quite figured out how to construct the kit in my garage, but as you already know I’m nothing if not resourceful. I’m thinking that I might need to move a few walls to make a little more room. I could cut a hole in the garage door to make room for the wings or maybe I’ll tell Karen that we are adding on to the house, enlarging the bathroom or something. Yeah, she always goes for that one! (He-he) This will probably be the only way that I ever achieve flight. The Superman Suite that you supposedly repaired last year and the year before still has its problems. The biggest one being, the darn thing just won’t fly. I was able to complete the bullet proof testing and guess what? “Ouch, did that ever smart!” Karen said it was nothing more than a few slight flesh wounds and she insisted that we try again, but at the time I was bleeding profusely and was in no mood for more holes in the suit. So as it stands right now I have a Superman suit that won’t fly, it is riddled with bullet holes and is all charred up from the fire proof test that we did last year. If I am ever able to get the thing up and flying, it will be way too drafty and it will look like I am wearing a pair of black tattered mechanic’s coveralls. Santa I was really looking forward to doing some top shelf super hero stuff with the Superman Suit, but as it stands, I have yet to performed one single super hero act. It has been very disappointing! Try to imagine Santa, me stepping out of the shadows or running down the street in a pair of mechanics coveralls trying to intimidate a criminal or trying to rescue a child from harm. I can hear the mother telling me, “get away for my child you dirty mechanic” and the criminal telling me to go fix a car or something. That would be so very embarrassing! I am hoping that this is the year we are able to repair the suite once and for all! On another note, I was able to coerce, I mean convince Karen to let me buy the motorcycle that I mentioned last year. As a matter of fact, she is the one that suggested that we drive over to the motorcycle dealer to “ONLY GO LOOK.” Man, was I ever surprised! She has been known to be somewhat difficult when it comes to my manly needs. Anyway, it took us no longer than 7.34510 minutes to get to the Harley store after I received her approval to “ONLY GO LOOK.” We had been at the Harley store for no more than 3.573 minutes when the beautiful black and chrome ride of my dreams caught my eye and what can I say, “It was love at first sight.” Karen however, was not afforded the same blissful experience as I and she still insist that she suffered whiplash from the ride to the Harley store. I do remember her groaning, growling and gasping frequently while we were there. I assumed she was trying to intimidate the sales person. Anyway it all turned out well and I left with contract in hand. I have never been able to “JUST GO LOOK.” Now If I just had something really cool to wear while I am ridding my black and chrome rocket ship. I would wear the Superman Suit, but I’m afraid I would get the bike dirty and I wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a motorcycle mechanic. (Little jab there) I have been thinking about some of the points that you brought to my attention in your letter. I agree that I am a child in a man’s body, but what man doesn’t have grandeurs of being Superman? I have been thinking about the final question that you ask, but I still don’t think that I understand the thoughts you were trying to convey and furthermore, I have no idea if my parents’ were smoking marijuana during the night of my conception? Well Santa, that’s it for now, but be expecting another short follow-up letter in the near future. In the meantime please feel free to stop by and work on this $%^!!@$ Superman Suit anytime. Ho, ho, ho Jack
Posted on: Sat, 23 Nov 2013 02:37:05 +0000
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