From the Blackadder Goes Forth episode Major Star: Melchett: If you need any help fixing and carrying and backstage and so on, I’ll lend you my driver if you like. (calls out) Bob?! (a woman enters….the driver Bob) Bob: (militaristically) Driver Parker reporting for duty, sir! Melchett: Alright, at ease, Bob, stand easy. Captain Blackadder, this is Bob. Edmund: Bob? Bob: Good morning, sir. Edmund: Unusual name for a girl? Melchett: Oh yes, it would be an unusual name for a girl, but it’s a perfectly straightforward name for a young chap like you, eh Bob? Now Bob, I want you to bunk up with Captain Blackadder for a couple of days, alright? Bob: Yes sir. Melchett: I think you’ll find Bob just the man for this job, Blackadder. He has a splendid sense of humour. Edmund: He sir? He? He? Melchett: You see, you’re laughing already! Well then, Bob, I’ll leave you two together, why don’t you get to know each other, play a game of crimmage, have a smoke, something like that. They tell me that Captain Blackadder has rather a good line in rough shag. Um, I’m sure he’d be happy to fill your pipe. Carry on. (exits) Edmund: So you’re a ‘chap’, are you Bob? Bob: Oh yes, sir. (laughs) Edmund: You wouldn’t say you were a girl at all? Bob: Oh, definitely not, sir. I understand cricket, I fart in bed, everything. Edmund: Let me put it another way, Bob, you are a girl. And you’re a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a ‘Polar Bears Only’ golf club. Bob: Oh sir, please don’t give me away, sir. I just wanted to be like my brothers and join up. I want to see how a real war is fought… so badly. Edmund: Well, you’ve come to the right place, Bob. A war hasn’t been fought *this* badly since Olaf the Hairy, Chief of all the Vikings, accidently ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the *inside*.
Posted on: Tue, 05 Nov 2013 19:24:01 +0000
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