Funny, how I thought I was entirely on purpose, except for the work drying up and getting piss poor again. Isnt that silly? Everything is in divine order, I tell myself. Absolutely everything....... Except for this, and that, and that over there. But, nope, its really not like that. I am living from and with synchronicity, and this can be blocked, I suppose, by bad habitual thinking, or karmic overlays, or soulic agreements, I suppose, but even then, none of the disappointments can really, sincerely be seen as anything but part of the bigger picture. Tonight, I will finish my novel. Then I will edit it, and then I will market it. Im sending it out. Im not done with it yet, but I know something down in my bones now that i only held as a theory before the beginning of the month. I am a writer, built for this. And yet, it is just an activity. It has been a profound homecoming, writing as I have, and finding I like my own voice. Yes there are things Id like to change about it, and want to write less fussily, more naturally, but that will come with time. I have made a dent. i have made it real. I have conquered the only thing in my life left to conquer, this seed fear, this thing Id withheld from myself. This is the next thing. I know this is my way, and am celebrating that it is not time to become intimate with this new way. I am at peace, and am ready, and am grateful that I can write this into the ethers, and itll maybe get read, and maybe someone who reads it will resonate with it. I am grateful for being alive, for hanging on, for staying here. I often saw no pint, felt like all there was in life was suffering. I dont feel that way anymore, and its too big for a facebook poster, too deep for a quote. Something within me has shifted. I am at peace. It came from doing the impossible. It looked like that, impossible, and its easy to minimize the whole thing, but I know what I am capable of, and now I know I have inner credibility,, just me with me, that I can have what i have always wanted most. Thanks for being my friend.
Posted on: Mon, 25 Nov 2013 00:46:06 +0000
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