Hank Shaped Void Tuesday, October 7, 2014 4:19pm The hardest thing I have ever had to hear and the hardest thing my dad has ever had to say. Life will still go on, but life will never be the same. What was once normal, will never be again, and soon I will be adapting to a new normal. A normal with a Hank-shaped void. —————— It’s only been three days since my brother and friend passed. Today, I stood beside his body as it lay lifeless in the closed coffin. A body, they said, that shouldn’t be viewed because of the accident. A body. That’s all that was there. A body. An empty, lifeless body. In a weird way, this comforts me. Hanks body lay beside me but Hank is now with his Savior, the one he longed to be with. ————— Today was long and hard but not nearly as awful as I had imagined. 500+ people joined us in honoring Hank’s life today and 500+ people joined us as we sang hymn after hymn (because all my family wanted most of the service to be was hymns). ————— Despite all of these sobbing tears, tired eyes and an aching heart, I am doing all right. The Lord is my strength and my comfort and I have never said anything more true. He is the reason I was able to wash my hair, put on makeup and a black dress today to burry my twenty-five year old brother. He is the reason that I could sing “It Is Well” until my throat hurt and truly mean it. He is the reason my brother is gone from this world but He is also the reason my brother once had life. Christ is my strength. ————— Tonight sweet, sweet friends drove to see me and we went out. I desperately needed to get out. I wore my leggings, a t-shirt and tennis shoes, with one of Hank’s flannels sticking out of my purse. I saw people I knew and with confused looks, they hugged me. ————— Dear friends, I am mourning. I miss my brother. I want him to walk in the front door or text me to see if I want to go get Leopold’s ice cream. I want this to be a horrific dream that I wake up from. I want one last hug, one last night, even one last word. I want my brother back. But those are selfish thoughts, for Hank is now walking on streets of gold. Know this, friends, I was able to go out, see a friend sing and laugh till I could laugh no more tonight because Hank is not gone and I get to see him again. There is hope in this tragedy. ————— I will hold onto the Hank-shaped void I feel for if I ever lose that feeling, that is when I have lost him. Though it hurts, it is all I have left of him. For now.
Posted on: Sat, 11 Oct 2014 14:17:37 +0000
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