Hello everyone, Well, its been a long, long month. A lot of deep thought, a lot of tears, then a lot more deep thought. I talked with family and friends, and took my time working it all out in my head. What I was vague about before was that I had reached burn out with koto, and it was absolutely heartbreaking for me. I was so passionate about koto, and I had big dreams. But for some reason, I couldnt pull myself out of burn out. I think, possibly it was slowly on fire for a while, but by the time I noticed it was too far gone to salvage, if that makes sense. I tend to be good at toughing things out, being patient, waiting it out...so this sort of thing is rare for me. At least in this kind of situation. On the good advice of a friend, to salvage my relationship with koto, I have decided to quit. I hope by doing this, someday when Im ready and refreshed, I can take it up again. So of course koti my koto, and all my gear will be safely stored away, just in case. The silver lining to this is I will continue taking kitsuke (kimono wearing) lessons, and I would really like to step things up with kimono overall. In fact, kimono had already been slowly growing into a bigger thing in my life, something I honestly never saw coming. I started out of necessity, but its growing into a new passion. I wonder if thats the universe giving me a nudge. I adore learning wasai (kimono sewing) and I really enjoy my kitsuke (kimono wearing) lessons. I have a lot of existing, creative ideas for kimono, and I am glad I finally have the chance to focus on them. My teacher was very understanding about my decision, and Im so very thankful we are still on good terms. Shes an amazing teacher, and Im really going to miss my lessons with her. My goal is to stay active in the group, not as a koto player, but as a background helper of sorts. I want the be the person providing the extra large rental kimonos for the concerts, who sews the tanmonos (kimono bolts), who repairs seam rips in the kimonos, and who adjusts kimonos into better sizes, and so on. And if I can help, I want to guide new foreign students at concerts too, since I remember how hard it was for me when I couldnt speak much Japanese and had no idea what I was doing. I think my teacher appreciates how Ive been a kind of guide for her foreign students, answering questions and showing them what they need to do and where to go. And who knows? Maybe when my Japanese is better, I could be a kind of translator. I just love being helpful, and helping people. Especially when Im helping with a skill I worked for. Furthermore, I have this very fun idea to design my own kimonos, but Ill have to elaborate more on that another time. For now, I still have a lot of basics to master. Im learning the taiko obi tie, and very soon Ill be cutting my first tanmono (kimono bolt). I have a long way to go, but Im really enjoying the process. I hope everyone can understand, to those of you who do, thank you so so much! My emotions are still mixed up, and Im slowly adjusting to all the changes. But Im really happy with the adjustments, and Im looking forward to all the new changes. (^-^) Now I have to decide what to do with this page. I think it might be best to start a new blog, so I can leave this one on pause in case things change in the future. Im not sure who will read down this far, but if you did (thank you!) what do you think? How about a kimono geek page? Or should I make a general Evyns crazy life blog?
Posted on: Thu, 20 Nov 2014 03:32:13 +0000
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