“Here Kitty Kitty” Most guys when they get into weight training their goal is to become massive and an all-around badass. Now for me, I’ve been a badass since the day I was born (just ask my parents, haha), but the massive part certainly took a long time. 16 years after starting to hit the weights I’m standing six foot tall and weighing a “svelte” 260lbs. So, keep that mental picture in mind… The other night I got done working out and on my drive home I called my parents. I pulled into my parking space and popped the door open, but at the time I was talking to my Dad so I decided to wait and finish the conversation we were on before I tried to gather everything I had with me to take into the house. In the middle of my Dad talking… a cat… jumped up into the car and onto my lap… yes, a cat, without my knowing that it was even there, jumped into my lap. Now I don’t care who you are, massive muscly man or not, when ANYTHING unexpectedly enters your “manhood” area you’re going to freak out… and when that thing is an unknown moving living creature the “freaking out” becomes a little magnified. BUUUUUUT… like a BOSS! I remained calm. The cat stopped in my lap to look me in the face as if to say “Haha, gotcha!” and then walked over to the passenger seat… looked around a little bit and then walked across my lap and jumped back out of the car. During this whole incident I casually mentioned it to my Dad who’s first comment was “Be careful!”… to which I replied “Of what?! It’s a cat!” And then he said “There was a boy who just got attacked by a cat!” And then memories of my childhood flashed back, memories of stories of these random “other kids” who seemed to have always encountered the same situation as me and somehow their experience proved my parents right. Damn kids! But I was like whatever and by that time I had already named the cat and was petting her… Bella, was her name, by the way. Even though Bella and I were enjoying the moonlight and soft summer breeze… I decided that before anymore creatures of the night attack my crotch I better get in the house… so I gathered my stuff and went to the door… but the cat followed me! I cracked open the door and Bella ran up between my legs. Now, this isn’t cool… I like cats, but I don’t know this cat, so I can’t just be letting any ol’ cat into my house, I mean c’mon I got standards… I don’t know if Bella has any diseases… I don’t know where she’s been… heck, I don’t even know if I like her yet… I mean, we just met! But I also felt bad that the cat thought I was going to let her in so I didn’t want to push her away and shut the door in her face… that’d just be mean… so I stood there puzzled. I decided to walk back to my car and “wait it out”. I figured eventually Bella would get bored and walk away and then I could sneak into my apartment and I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about leaving her outside. By this time I was talking with my Mom and had explained the situation… and what was her first remark… “Be careful! A young boy just got attacked by a cat!” Good lord, how many of these people eating cats are there in the world??? She then proceeded to tell me I was nuts that I didn’t want the cat to feel bad and was picking on me for waiting in the parking lot for the “itty bitty kitty” to walk away. Well, it took 15 minutes but the cat eventually walked off about 20 or so feet so I made a mad dash to my door, BUT in stealth mode so the cat wouldn’t hear me. I got to the door and glanced back real quick and the cat hadn’t noticed me so I hurried up and got inside and shut the door. Now I don’t know what happened with the cat but I’m very comfortable believing that Bella was taken in by a loving family with a young daughter who will love her and hug her, playing tea party and dress up and then eventually, one day, Bella will go away to “a cat farm” where all the other old cats live and she’ll make new friends and play all day in the sunshine chasing mice. Don’t argue… just let me believe it! So… just remember guys… you can aim to get massive and be a badass (which I am STILL very much a badass) but you’re always going to be the same person at heart… so, don’t forget to work on your character as much as you’re working on your muscles! (Chimes… flashing star… “The more you know”) This public service announcement was brought to you by BIG
Posted on: Thu, 10 Jul 2014 13:00:00 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015