Hey guys. Ive been slacking lately in my posts...mostly actually keeping to myself because if some old feelings that are coming through again. With that being said id like to share my story: As a young kid I had no friends. I had 2 that I considered friends then but looking back on it they werent even that. I lied an hour away from my private school. I was the kid that had to sit with his mom on field trips because there was nobody else to sit with. I can remember many times I would come home and just cry for hours because all I wanted was somebody to play with on weekends or even during school. The first time I told my mom I wanted to die I was in the 4th grade. It wasnt until I switched schools that u was finally happy. But by my sophomore year I had my first real girlfriend. Or so I thought. She constantly cheated on me and lied to me and thought it was funny and I didnt know how to handle it. By the end of my senior year (we had been broken up for a year and a half) I had tried to kill myself by cutting, taking pills, and even trying to shoot myself. I have been left with scars that are visible to everyone. And even ones that only I can actually visually remember. It wasnt easy. All the stresses of relationship (stupid shit) and school work were finally catching up to me. I physically fought my dad, pushed my mom and scared my sister to the point where she had to hide. There are countless holes in the walls of our house and even in the side of our garage because I get so angry. Now Im remember all of this. And it sucks. It makes me want to just go somewhere and end it all together and leave everything behind. Dont tell me I have too much to live for and all of that because Im know this. But Im also a failure. I have a 0.3 gpa out of 3 semesters of college. I cant make anyone happy. All I want is for someone to listen or even try to help me. But its hard, because there are only 2 people thy I feel comfortable doing that with; my cousin who is in Afghanistan as a marine. And my best friend who is in canada following his dream of playin hockey. I tried opening up yesterday. I told this one person everything I was feeling and all my thoughts. They laughed. They told me to stop playin games and that its dramatic bullshit and I just want attention... I just dont know what to do anymore guys. I dont consider my person to be a being of faith by any means, and I have never asked for this. But please if you could, send a prayer my way. I would do the same for anybody that is struggling with thoughts if hurting themselves and I hope you will do the same. I love you all. -TylerInReverse
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 20:31:19 +0000
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