How Many Riders Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? Hunter Rider: Well, I’m waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he’s changing light bulbs somewhere else right now. Dressage Queen: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn’t possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought! Classical Dressage Queen: These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offence to the principles of classical light bulb changing. Eventer: Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling, broken after falling off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country, I’ll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It’ll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders require lights, anyway. Show Jumper: Why on earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my ass. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded. Western Pleasure Riders: Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all glow their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly, and oh, my diamond studs have to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it—oh, maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can’t ride, you can do it. Endurance Rider: Light bulb? Do you mind, I’m trying to get my horses pulse/respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb. And besides, this neon green spandex is bright enough to see by. Natural Horseman: You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using “light bulb dynamics” (video available at $179.99 on my website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using “light bulb coaxer” $99.95 each, plus for extra $49.99 you get an intro video thrown in) behave, as all good light bulbs 888should.
Posted on: Mon, 24 Jun 2013 10:52:57 +0000